


Love Me Tender

by jurassiclouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Abuse, Abusive Relationship, Bottom Louis, Fluff, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shy Louis, Suicidal Thoughts, au: 50's, but it's also, but there is a non-con scene, hey it's the 50's but no homophobia exists, hi this is old but I deleted my tumblr, nothing too explicit though I promise, wow this fic sounds so intense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-02-05 06:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1809328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jurassiclouis/pseuds/jurassiclouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn Malik is an entrepreneur who has just scored a deal with Styles Airlines to help design aircrafts for passenger planes. He was invited to stay at Harry Styles’ mansion, and brings along his boyfriend Louis Tomlinson. Louis is a shy man who tends to hide into himself in fear of angering Zayn, who is maybe a little too possessive. Harry starts to notice bruises as time goes by, and maybe at the same time he starts to have an overwhelming desire to kiss them all better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Zayn, this place is just beautiful,” Louis said quietly, his eyes widening at the mansion ahead of them as Zayn pulled his shiny, red Thunderbird into the lot. His car was just like all of his other belongings, flashy on the outside with paint touch ups and dent repairs monthly, but well used when you took a look at the dashboard. Louis felt slightly nauseated when he realized he had more in common with the car than he had with Zayn anymore. 

 

Zayn just kept his scowling gaze forward, something that made Louis shut his mouth before he could start drooling over the sight in front of him.

 

It was an old victorian era house, with stories left in the little cracks that came with age. It added charm, something that made Louis feel like this wasn’t a house, but a home. The layout itself looked detailed, with two stories that were wider than Louis’ ever seen before. Each window had blue panels and curtains hanging open letting light in from the outside. There was a large, bright green field in front of the entire thing, a garden under a large oak tree to the left, and a beautifully paved road right down the middle leading into a large area to the right with four cars already parked in it.

 

Before Louis could even start to glance at the wonderful porch stretched across the front, Zayn was speaking to him in his 'in control' voice. It was deeper than normal, his pitch dropping to make Louis strain to hear him. He liked having Louis always listening to him. Only him.

 

“No funny business when we’re introduced, got it? I want you to look at the ground like the dog you are. You will speak when spoken too, and roll down your sleeves for God's sake. If that sleeve is wrinkled, I swear, Louis,” Zayn said, rolling his eyes and scrunching his nose up in disgust.

 

Louis wordlessly took off the jacket altogether, reaching for the spare one he put behind him because he knew that he would get hot on the way there.

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Zayn seethed, not noticing Louis’ hand grabbing a hanger behind him. 

 

Louis flinched, he still hadn’t grown accustomed to Zayn’s cursing. It just wasn’t something you heard everyday, but Louis couldn’t answer if he wanted to, instead he just put his arms through and straightened his entire outfit out.

 

“You shouldn’t have rolled them up in the first place,” Zayn said, refusing to give Louis any sort of satisfaction and demeaning him despite his actual clever thinking. He parked the car and as soon as a boy was running out to greet them, Zayn put on his stage face.

 

Every time Zayn smiled at people, regardless of how fake it was, Louis was reminded of the person he fell in love with. It hurt though, to look at what used to be and what he used to have. So when Zayn told him to look only at the ground and to make no eye contact with anyone in public, Louis was secretly thankful he didn't have to watch someone he missed talk to another person who would never realize they were talking to a ghost.

 

The boy who came to greet them looked to be not a lot younger than Louis himself, who was 22. He opened the door and held Louis’ hand to help him out. Louis almost thought he was Mr. Styles because he looked so sincere about what he was doing, not like it was a job.

 

“Thank you,” Louis said politely, looking over at Zayn for approval.

 

Zayn gave him a curt nod before beaming up at the porch again. “Harry!” he yelled, getting out of the car and giving another man a brief hug.

 

Louis caught a glance of curls and broad shoulders before he looked across the courtyard again, still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that he was living here now. 

 

“Liam, please take these bags to the room I specified earlier, will you?” a new, deeper voice said to the boy that had opened Louis’ door. Louis was shocked. He could’ve sworn that the boy - Liam, wasn’t working. He shook his head though, maybe he was just kind. Maybe he was what Louis had been missing.

 

So that must mean the man who had hugged Zayn was Mr. Styles. Louis couldn’t even think to look over there because he would be caught, so he shuffled his feet to the front of the car and waited for Zayn to put his arm around him. This was a routine Louis was well used to.

 

Zayn put his arm around Louis’ shoulders and kept a firm, maybe too firm, grip on his shoulder. “Remember what I said,” he reminded.

 

Like Louis could ever forget. 

 

“Zayn, I'm sure you'll want to go straight to the workshop, so Louis, if you’ll follow Liam, he can show you to your room so you can rest and have a spot of tea and than afterwards he can give you a tour of the house" Mr. Styles said stopping at the foot of the front porch to address his guests. 

 

“Oh, it’s fine, Harry. No need to put Liam through the trouble of all that. Louis here will be just fine with lying down a little before dinner,” Zayn said, before turning to Liam, who looked rather uncomfortable with the entire exchange. “Really, just take him to our room and he’ll be fine." Zayn's words were accented by a few squeezes to his shoulder. 

 

Louis cleared his throat and spoke softly, “It’s really fine, Mr. Styles. I could use a nap.”

 

Harry sighed and tried to mentally get Louis to look up from the ground. These were the first words he’d spoken since they have arrived and Harry thought for sure he might get a glance at his face. “Very well then, but don’t be afraid to ask Liam for a tour when you want one."

 

Zayn took his arm off of Louis and have him a last warning glance before walking towards Harry. 

 

The two started to walk away again and Louis thought he was in the clear, but Harry turned around and told Louis, "And Louis please, don’t call me Mr. Styles. Harry’s fine.”

 

But no, 'Harry' was not fine. Louis actually started to get dizzy when he started to try and imagine what would happen tonight when Zayn got back to their room all because of someone who was just trying to be polite.

 

“Right this way to your room, sir. You can rest and I will bring your a cup of tea in a couple of minutes," Liam told Louis once the two men were starting to drive away in Harry's car down the driveway. 

 

Louis finally managed to tear his eyes away from the ground, fear etched into his eyes as he properly looked at Liam. He was handsome and his hair was a nice length, not too long, but long enough to have a little curl to it. He had very wide open, almost puppy dog-like, brown eyes. And he seemed to practically exuviate kindness. He wasn’t what Louis was expecting, because why would someone so young and fresh be working as a butler?

 

He almost voiced his question, but shut his mouth instead. Zayn wouldn’t be happy to hear his voice talking to someone and he didn’t know if he was still in range.  
He glanced over his shoulder so many times as they made their way upstairs, nervous that Zayn was watching and disapproving. It was ridiculous, but an incident before happened to where Zayn had ‘left’, but he was really watching Louis’ every move.

 

Louis tried not to remember that night.

 

-

 

Dinner was lovely, even if it was only Louis at the table. Zayn and Harry were off still and Liam outright refused to sit at the table with Louis. It was ridiculous because the table could fit twenty and was the only thing in the room, except for extravagant paintings on the royal blue walls.

 

Their chef, another young man, was introduced as Niall. He was a blond, baby-faced boy with a thick Irish accent, and was full of energy that made Louis a bit nervous because this was the boy handling their food. But he was thoroughly surprised at the delicious lamb, green beans, and steamed potatoes, something that must have cost more than Louis wanted to know.

 

Finally at dessert, Liam and Niall joined him at the grand table for treacle pudding that had Louis’ mouth still watering an hour later.  
He was now trudging back from the bathroom after a shower, hair damp and in his night robes feeling newly fresh, but also fatigued. He was carelessly admiring the paintings on the walls, wondering how many Harry had placed in his house. It must be hundreds, they were everywhere. He wasn’t paying particular attention though, and he bumped into someone’s broad figure in front of him.

 

He went tumbling to the ground, his body much smaller than the other person’s and not able to withstand the run in.

 

“Sorry, Louis,” a familiar voice said and Louis blushed, struggling to pull himself up, even if there was a hand outreached towards him. He continued to look at the ground, even though he was sure Zayn wasn’t around because honestly, looking at Mr. Styles would probably make this entire situation worse. He wished he could go home at that moment instead of having to come here to live with all these strangers who made him more paranoid than usual all because Zayn wanted them too, as if he had a choice though. He wouldn’t have to worry about running into people on the way back to the bathroom unless it was Zayn if he was home. 

 

“Sorry, Mr. Styles,” Louis whispered, running off to his new room, desperately wishing he’d beat Zayn.

 

Harry didn’t even have time to correct him, because by the time he managed to say, “It’s Harry,” Louis was already gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis woke up with his head on Zayn’s chest. Zayn’s strong, tan arms were wrapped around him and for a brief second Louis remembered the man who he had loved. The one who would hold him like this all day and not just in the ignorance of sleep.

Louis glanced at the small clock on their bedside and saw that it was barely six thirty in the morning. He sighed deeply and expertly wriggled out of Zayn’s hold. He knew he wasn’t going to go back to sleep now, and he refused to lay down next to a stranger.

He tried to pick his feet up instead of his usually groggy dragging to prevent more noise and opened the door as slowly as possible. Louis was wearing a matching set of striped, cotton pajamas because Zayn saw it unfit for Louis to show any skin now that they were living in Mr. Styles’ home even if they were in the privacy of their own room, so the long sleeves and long pant legs were something he had to get used to now.

The hallways were so vast that Louis may have gotten lost on the way to the kitchen, but eventually he reached the vacant room. He searched cupboards until he found the teabags and then set to make himself a cuppa. He knew his mind would be a jumble this early and the warmth would help him think clearly.

He eventually had a steaming cup of tea (with milk, no sugar) and made his way to the front porch that he had admired yesterday. Ever since he had seen it, he’s wanted to curl up on it. The porch stretched out around the entire house with a table set on one end and a couple strewn chairs along the way until the opposite side, where a small outdoor love seat sat.

Louis was drawn to the love seat and curled into a call on one side of it. He took a sip of his tea and sighed after it ran down his throat soothing some of his anxiety. This reminded of his time at home with his mother. Every Saturday, they would both wake up early and sit in two little fold-out chairs in front of their house with tea to watch the sunrise and feel the stress of the week roll off of their shoulders. They never had much money, but they didn’t need it in their family. He used to tell her everything and now he hasn’t seen her in years.

Guilt pooled in his stomach when he thought of everything he was missing in his sisters’ lives. Daisy and Phoebe would be about to reach secondary school, Lottie and Felicite are practically _adults_ and he had missed all of it.

But he had Zayn now and that was all he needed, right? Zayn had given him so much to be thankful for including this beautiful place to stay where he can watch the sunrise over the beautiful garden here. Louis had to ask Zayn about that, he wanted _so_ desperately to help with it. Something to _do_ for once. Something he could watch grow with a gentle touch.

-

Harry watched Louis carefully from his spot in the study. He had his desk placed in front of one of the front windows and usually went there when he couldn’t sleep. It was a bad habit, to spend a majority of his time in his workplace and Liam admonished him for it when he would find Harry with his head down on his desk asleep in the morning. It usually was his place to think, but how could he possibly think even remotely clearly when this mysterious creature was watching the sunrise thoughtfully in front of him?

He wanted to go join him. He wanted to go outside, wrap his arms around the small boy, reach inside his chest and pull out all the secrets. Pull out the timidness and throw it against the wall, watch it crack so Louis would _look_ at him.

Harry was already strung up on Louis, that was for sure. And maybe Harry should be worried. And maybe Harry should be scared of Zayn and the darkness he holds in his eyes. But he couldn’t bring himself to be. Something about Louis made him feel fearless.

And if he finally got the chance to look into Louis’ eyes, maybe he would feel invincible.

-

It was 8 o’clock on the dot when Liam was outside to tell Louis that breakfast was ready.

Louis pursed his lips and pulled his sore body off of the love seat. He trudged his way inside, trying not to feel the ache in his chest that was not physical this time. He didn’t want to go back inside where he had to face up to his reality, but instead he wanted to stay outside and keep dreaming about his mother and the girls. To keep dreaming of a place very far from here and even further away the unsafe feeling that had grabbed onto his chest.

But Louis was a coward. Being a coward has been programmed into his body and schedule the past two years. So he obediently sat next to Zayn, purposely trying to be as quiet and well behaved this morning because he honestly didn’t know how Zayn was feeling after last night. If he was satisfied.

When Zayn didn’t put his hand on his leg, a tight grip that Louis knew meant later, he knew that he was safe - for now.

Someone down the table cleared their throat once pastries had started to be placed in the middle of the long table. “Zayn, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you last night, but tomorrow we’ll be holding a party. Nothing big, just a dinner for you two to meet some new friends in town,” Mr. Styles said, breaking through the absolutely silent room.

“That sounds very nice,” Zayn replied, grabbing some food for himself.

Louis just picked off some fruit, knowing that Zayn would question his weight if he tried to pick up a pastry and Louis was done being embarrassed in front of Harry.

“Yes, but it will be formal, so if you don’t have anything here yet, I’m sure-”

“Oh no,” Zayn cut in. “We have plenty. Louis here used to host many parties,” he bragged, not letting Harry know that the reason he stopped was because of Zayn. Zayn had _rules_ and they did not allow for other people - other men - in their house.

Harry just hummed softly in return, frustrated with being cut off when he was only trying to be polite.

“Actually, maybe Louis could help set it up,” Zayn suggested, elbowing Louis in the ribs slightly. “I know it’s last minute, but he has nothing to do here, so might as well be useful for _something_.”

Louis’ heart stung. He couldn’t be useful because he wasn’t _allowed_ to.

Harry all but gaped at Zayn’s brash words. “Liam’s already got most of it handled, but I’m sure Louis can ask to help after breakfast.”

Louis hated how they made him feel like he wasn’t even there. He was a topic to them and all he wanted to do was _scream._

_-_

 

“Liam, please,” Louis called, practically whining now. He was following after the butler throughout the house, watching him set up a decoration here and there.

Liam was refusing to let him do anything though, saying the party was in their honor, so he shouldn’t be bothered. But Louis was bored out of his mind. “Sorry, Louis,” he called before disappearing behind a door and shutting it on Louis.

Louis huffed and crossed his arms. Well, what was he supposed to do _now?_ He looked around lamely before he knew exactly where he wanted to go.

He found himself outside, his feet rushing towards the garden. It was magnificent, especially since it was mid-spring and everything was in full bloom. He was suddenly surrounded by the most beautiful flowers, some he had never even heard of before, but others that he knew and loved from the Doncaster community garden his family had volunteered at. Bachelor's buttons, butterfly weed, fresh mint, purple lilac, roses, sweet pea, tulips, and zinnia. He was overwhelmed by everything and sat on the single stone bench the sat in the middle of everything to take it all in.

He felt at ease for the first time in months in here, like no one could hurt him here, not even himself. He knew it was simple-minded and foolish, but he couldn’t help it. How could anyone touch him here? How could anyone destroy the beauty that surrounded him here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there is no excuse for me not posting anything since June, so let me just climb into a hole to escape any negative thoughts. 
> 
> I AM working on a new fic that is coming around swimmingly and should be out around New Years. AND a Christmas one-shot so~
> 
> GUYS I GOT A TUMBLR AGAIN THOUGH SO YOU SHOULD FOLLOW ME BECAUSE I HAVE A LONELY 20 FOLLOWERS AND I MISS MY FRIENDS: jurassiclouis.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

It was the afternoon before the party and Zayn had decided that he wanted to go into town to get a bite to eat while the house was being decorated. He had hurried Louis from his spot in front of the radio and told him to get dressed and to hurry.

Louis rushed to his closet and started to pull out an outfit that he could just add a blazer to make it formal enough for the party. He put on tan slacks, a button down white shirt, and a pair of bay blue suspenders. He was just slipping on his shoes when Zayn came into the room dressed in similar tan slacks paired with a dark blue button down and a patterned bow tie.

“Come on, we want to be back at the house by four,” Zayn said, leaning on the doorway with his arms crossed, scrutinizing Louis impatiently.

Louis took one last look in the mirror, checking his hair and outfit to make sure nothing was wrinkled or twisted before he turned and gave a timid smile to Zayn. “Is this alright?” he asked timidly, he had to check even if he knew the answer, even if he’s worn this outfit before. It was rehearsed.

All that Louis got in return was an eye roll and a scoff. “Let’s go, I’m hungry and Harry said that his place was pretty good,” he said, grabbing Louis’ arm and ignoring the flash of pain his eyes and the visible wince before he started to drag him down the hallways towards the front door.

They were going to a diner of some sorts further into town that Harry had recommended. It was giving Niall a chance to fully prepare for their dinner party that night and Harry had gone to visit his mum for the morning so they were on their own essentially.

Louis knew that the appearance of it all was a big aspect of them going out. They haven’t gone anywhere together since they had moved to Harry’s home and they had to keep up an act in this town. The happy couple goes out to lunch. The happy couple smiles.

So, Louis smiled so wide that he felt that his cheeks could fall off and they passed Liam out the door. Zayn had even smiled down at Louis, who was on his arm like the trophy that he was. But Louis, he saw right through it. He saw the fire in his eyes and the itch under his knuckles - just like he always would.

 

-

 

The two of them were seated comfortably in a booth sipping on waters when the waitress came up and asked for their orders.

Like always, Zayn got the first word in and ordered for the both of them. “He’d like a salad and I’d like a burger and fries please.” The order was followed by a not very subtle wink to the waitress who giggled and walked away with a slight skip in her step.

Louis huffed at the exchange and leaned down to rest his chin in the palm of his hand. Sometimes, he was so conflicted on his feelings about his relationship he wanted to explode. The times that Zayn flirted with other people, believe it or not, was the worst part. It made Louis question why he was here if Zayn wanted someone else and why would Zayn stick with Louis if he had access to something else? But Zayn portrayed his feelings through possessiveness and wanted to keep Louis completely to himself, to be able to flaunt him around to everyone else like a predatory dog.

“Sit up for God’s sake,” Zayn snapped, grabbing his water and taking a sip.

Louis did as he was told and folded his hands up in his lap. He waited in the next pregnant pause for any further instruction, but when none came he hesitantly initiated a conversation. “So how has work been?” he asked quietly, trying to get into a topic that would have Zayn talking for a while. He hated silence, it allowed his brain to over think and if Zayn could talk for a while, he wouldn’t have to fill in the silence himself.

“It’s been alright, lots of new things coming. There are rumours going around that we’re trying to build a 150 passenger plane. What’s next, hovercrafts? That’s what one lad down at the plant said. Can you imagine?” Zayn asked, but rhetorically. He never really wanted Louis’ opinion he had learned over the years.

Maybe Louis could hop on the hovercraft when it was built and drive it to a secluded island where no one could find him. Except maybe his mum because he sure does miss her.

“But, let me tell you one thing, I’m not quite sure of Mr. Styles. He’s always away in his office or something, never around to do much planning. I don’t think he’s as smart as everyone’s got him out to be. Maybe that’s why he got me around, you know?” Zayn said with a smirk on his face as if he had done something great.

Louis just nodded at his words though, but he couldn’t help but think that the statement was completely untrue. If he wasn’t as smart as everyone said, how could he have that gorgeous house or a giant company all in his name? Styles Airlines was global, there’s no way he could’ve built it up with no smarts in only a couple years of owning it.

Maybe Louis should be more observant in the house around Harry. You can usually get a good inference on a person’s intelligence by their actions and everyday conversations.

But even if he did observe Harry, he wouldn’t be the greatest judge of character if his current partner was anything to go by. He was way too accepting and kind and he well aware, but even if acceptance is his biggest mistake, he will keep trying until he finds a genuine man to stand by his side.

But maybe Louis wasn’t exactly the greatest judge of character. When he looked up across from him, he knew that accepting the good in others was probably his biggest mistake.

 

-

 

When they got back to the house, Louis’ mouth dropped open. It looked absolutely beautiful. There were twinkling lights hung all around the front parlor that led into their ballroom and dining room. There was a small stage set up in the corner of the ballroom and Louis saw a couple men setting up instruments, no doubt a live band.

Zayn went off from his side almost immediately, seemingly unphased by everything surrounding them.

Louis continued to walk through the ballroom though, taking in all the decorations that made that already stunning house look like something that Louis has seen in movies.He started to move his feet in time with the radio that was playing in the corner of the room to keep Liam, who was still rushing around perfecting everything, entertained.

“Impressed?” a voice behind him asked, making Louis shiver and halt, focusing his eyes at the ground instead of all around him.

“It looks absolutely wonderful, Mr. Styles,” he said, glancing over his shoulder slightly only to catch Zayn’s hard glare. He raised one of his eyebrows at Louis, almost daring him to step out of line.

But it seemed as if Harry wanted to push him over it as he said, “I told you, Harry’s fine.”

“If you don’t mind, I’m more comfortable with Mr. Styles,” Louis muttered, eyes glancing nervously from Zayn to Harry’s feet. He sagged in relief when he got a nod of approval for his answer.

Harry sighed at the response, but kept his opinions on the matter to himself. He did not, however, walk away like Louis thought he was going to, but instead said, “Zayn told me you have quite the music taste, and I personally haven’t had nearly enough time to keep up with it. Would you mind giving the band a list of songs to sing?”

Louis gave a weak nod in return, still faced at the floor and biting his lip. He was almost shaking in fear because Zayn was going to be _so mad_. He hated when Louis talked to other men and he wished to be anywhere else.

Harry cleared his throat in frustration because no matter how hard he tried, Louis has not even given him the time of day before. How did it not bother him? How could he stand never looking at a person? “Very well then,” he muttered, turning to walk away. He froze for a second when he saw Zayn standing a couple of feet behind him and giving a look straight from Hell directly towards Louis’ cowering figure.

Louis scampered away from Zayn’s glance and went towards the band, leaving Harry to do the same in the opposite direction.

“Hey, you going to tell us what to play?” a young man asked Louis once he reached the stage where they were all set up.

“Y-Yes, do you have a party list, so I could look at your songs?” Louis asked, knowing that this was what Zayn had wanted him to do, to keep out of trouble and out of his hair.

The man, or actually more like boy, Louis noticed, handed him a piece of paper. “Sure do, bud. What you have in mind?”

Louis glanced over the list, looking at all the songs that he’s heard recently on the radio. He did have lots of knowledge about it, since it’s one of the few things that he can do in the house. He looked up finally after thoroughly scanning the sheet, “Elvis is always a hit.”

 

-

  
It’s five-thirty on the dot when guests start to arrive and introduce themselves to Zayn and Louis. It’s a party, so Zayn is much more relaxed with a glass of champagne in his hand. Louis is finally allowed to look up and enjoy himself without fear always sitting in the back of his head. _[Heartbreak Hotel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PotB76gi2_4)_ is playing in the background and Louis _smiles._ Glancing around him and seeing everyone happy and laughing, he decides that there is nowhere else that he’d rather be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sheepishly hides in embarrassment because it's literally been six months since I have posted anything*

The small get together that Louis expected turned out to be much bigger than expected because there were two parts of the party apparently. The twenty guests who sat down to the delicious dinner was all that Louis was expecting, but dozens of new people made their way into the ballroom afterwards.

Zayn was in the parlor with a couple of lads from work enjoying a smoke, but Louis on the other hand was dead set on dancing the entire night away.

He hadn’t dared pick up anything heavier than the single glass of champagne he allowed himself, but he felt as if he was drunk and high and anything in between. He was buzzing contently and sported a dazzling half-smile, half-smirk that screamed confidence, almost like the old Louis.

Currently, he had his eyes closed and was dancing with graceful ease to [_Night and Day_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCDXp2Zaoig) by Frank Sinatra with a young girl who was looking at him like he personally hung all of the stars in the sky.

He was happy and didn’t even care about the light sheen of sweat growing across his own forehead that disheveled his carefully put together appearance or the eyes that were bore into the back of his head. This was the first time in a very long time that he was happy to be living in the moment instead of only feeling happiness when he looked back at a life that seems so far away now.

“You’re real great at this, sir,” the girl told him, big blue eyes wide in admiration.

“Why thank you,” Louis replied, smile growing almost twice in size as he twirled her around, the swing of her skirt hitting him gently.

  
  
  


It took him another two songs of him dancing solely with the young girl for him to realize exactly why he was having such a good time with her.

It had been so long since he last thought of his sister Lottie in great detail besides her pleads for him to come back home. But right in front of him was this golden haired, blue-eyed girl full of life who looked up to him. Of course he had chosen her to dance with in the crowd, she was almost a spitting image of his sister right down to the way she tied her hair back with a pretty ribbon.

He pulled away abruptly with an apology about having to use the restroom and stalked out of the room, a sharp sting of homesickness in the middle of his gut.

Louis didn’t really know where he was going because he never took that tour Liam had wanted to give him. So he opened a couple doors searching for a slightly comforting atmosphere inside of the house considering he was sure a couple of guests would have wondered to the garden by now to kiss each other’s faces off. He reached a door at the end of one of the many hallways and saw that it was spotless, so he assumed that it was probably a guest room and had enough confidence that he wouldn’t be bothering anyone to go inside.

Immediately, Louis feel a sort of warmness spread throughout his entire body and once he spotted the balcony door open, he knew that this would be the perfect place to calm him down. A small voice in the back of his head told him that he wasn’t allowed anywhere except his designated room, but he shook it off and crept outside to the balcony area of the room.

A tender, small sort of smile crept up onto his face when he sat down on one of the two lounging chairs on the balcony. It was already almost dusk outside and the view was looking over the backyard of the house and into the large expanse of trees behind the property.

Since the only other part of the property Louis had been on was the garden, which was off to the side, there was an entire area of land that he had never seen before. A small pond was a ways out with a tiny dock and a couple of ducks flying around it. As he gazed at the area, he made a note to go look at it the next time he didn’t have anything else to look forward to.

He brought his knees up to his chest and placed his chin on top of them, thinking back with a frustrated noise as to how the Hell his life got to this point. Even with the sort of fondness for this entire place that he was growing, he wanted nothing more than to go home to his mum and sisters. And he wanted desperately to go alone.

 

-

 

Harry’s breath caught in his throat when he opened the door to his room. The door to his balcony was wide open and there was Louis. He was curled into a ball and looking up at what Harry would assume was the stars with a deep look of wonder on his face that Harry hasn’t seen. He was absolutely enamored, seeing his young face clear of any worry lines and unapologetic for once.

Harry wondered why he chose this room to take solace in after he quickly left the dancefloor earlier, although it was one of Harry’s personal favorite spots and the reason he chose one of the smaller rooms as his own. When Louis had left the party he had looked so upset, so Harry went to look for him after he saw Zayn occupied. He had given up though and was on his way to go to bed early, despite the party still going on just down the hallway.

He realized that if Louis turned around and caught him staring, this entire moment could get ruined with Harry’s stare, so he cleared his throat and said, “Fancy seeing you here,” rather quietly.

Louis jumped and stood up, glancing up before his eyes glued back down to the floor. “I’m sorry, I thought this was an empty room and the balcony was really beautiful. I’m sorry, Mr. Styles. I’ll go,” he stammered, almost pushing past Harry before Harry caught him by the wrist. He flinched, but did not try to pull away. He had learned better.

“It’s okay, Louis,” Harry tried to reassure him, careful not to grasp him very hard. He wasn’t stupid and he wasn’t blind. He was positive Zayn had grabbed him much harder than this before and he might be sore. “My room’s the only one with a balcony, I don’t mind if you use it from time to time. It’s a great place to think,” he explained as gently as he could. He really didn’t want to scare Louis away now that he finally had the chance to talk to him.

Louis’ entire body froze up as took one fleeting moment to look at the door, just to check and then check again that they were alone, before he turned around and looked Harry in the eye for the first time.

Harry was the one rendered speechless this time as he looked at the most gorgeous shade of blue for the first time. They held such a story. They were deep, calm waves that Harry wanted to dive into and submerge himself under for eternity. They were painful gasps for air after being pushed down. They were going home to have your mum greet you with a hug and a kiss to the top of your head. Harry never thought he could feel so many things at once by merely looking into someone’s eyes. But the longer he stared, the longer he felt at home. The longer he felt like he could look into them forever.

“Harry, can you let go of my arm, please?” Louis asked weakly, trying to defuse this situation because he didn’t like where this was going. Zayn would catch on if this went further. ZaynZaynZayn. It was always about him, no matter how desperately he wished he could change that and just enjoy the look on Harry’s face. The one that was directed directly at Louis.

He wanted to feel special for once.

Harry let go of him with a stuttering apology, thinking that Louis was going to turn around and leave. He was ashamed at his behavior, but didn’t know how to act any differently around Louis.

But instead of fleeing, Louis bit his lip and then went back out onto the balcony to sit down again, resuming a much more stiff version of his position before. There was a couple of beats before his terribly timid voice muttered, “You can join me if you’d like.”

As if Harry needed another reason to be beside Louis. _This was his partner’s boyfriend. Nothing good will come out of this._

He didn’t really seem to care about the repercussions though as he followed after Louis feeling like a dazed little boy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! I actually updated in a reasonable amount of time !!

The party seemed to have done everybody in the house some good. Louis had been able to be free of worries for an entire night, or at least pretend like it, Zayn had gotten his own personal social fill and spent the night convincing everyone in town of his charm, and Harry had finally gotten to look into Louis’ bright blue eyes where he found so much more than he could ever ask for.

The next morning, everyone shuffled into the dining room with a happy sort of daze surrounding them. Zayn and Harry were already completely dressed for work and ready to go, but Louis had stayed in his pajamas with his hair mussed and eyes sleepy.

“Did you have a good night, sir?” Liam asked, placing a napkin on Louis’ plate. No matter how much he seemed to argue, Liam just wouldn’t seem to budge on the formalities, saying only that it was his job and he didn’t want to get paid for nothing.

Louis nodded his head wearily, not quite comfortable to speak without having any sort of permission from Zayn first. He knew from first hand experience, that getting comfortable and letting his guard down was precisely what Zayn was waiting for.

Zayn didn’t seem to care much though from where he was sitting and absolutely buzzing with pride as he thought of all he had accomplished last night. He had spoken to so many people, one of which offered him a different job that he was truly considering. He could get him and Louis away from this entire place to a place of their own. And he could get away from Harry. “It was a good party, wasn’t it?” he asked with a glance at both Harry and Louis.

There was something about the way he looked at them, like he knew too much.

“Yes, I really enjoyed it. I did go to bed early though, had a long night before in my study,” Harry mumbled, taking a bite of the breakfast that was sat in front of him. He picked his eyes up secretly and when he saw Zayn looking at his own food, he glanced over to Louis who was frowning at his plate and picking at it, lost in thought.

“I didn’t even notice. You must’ve not been missed that much,” Zayn quipped, smirking slightly at his own little jab.

Louis seemed to frown even harder at that, his hands in his lap suddenly becoming very interesting. He hated how Zayn couldn’t keep the comments to himself - he couldn’t even hold them back until they were in private.

“Yeah, I guess I wasn’t,” Harry said, smiling slightly.

Zayn surely must’ve missed the sarcasm.

-

Louis watched the two men leave again from his spot at the table. He wasn’t quite ready to get up yet, still feeling sleepy and drowsy as he had not slept too well the night before, overthinking everything that had happened. So instead of getting up to explore the property like he planned, he took his time eating the omelette Niall had made him.

He heard the door open again and Harry shout, “Go ahead and get in the car, I just left my wallet inside!”

Louis glanced at the entrance and smiled very widely because he realized that no, Harry had not forgotten his wallet at all when he saw the man looking right at him.

Harry smiled slightly at him and asked sheepishly, “Hey, Louis, I just wanted to ask how you’re doing this morning.” Despite the casual words, there was very distinct worry in his tone because Louis knew he was really asking _‘how was Zayn last night?’_.

Louis’ smile dimmed, but his expression still remained fond as he replied, “I’m great, Harry, thank you for asking. I am sorry for Zayn this morning though, sometimes I think he forgets what manners are.”

“That is not something you ever need to apologize for,” he said, his eyebrows furrowing, “and I think I can handle myself just fine.” He looked back at the door and sighed when he realized he had to leave or Zayn was going to be suspicious.

“Have a good day at work, Harry,” Louis said softly, noticing the same thing.

“Thanks, Louis,” Harry said, giving him one more fleeting smile. He began to walk back towards the front door, but stopped and turned around before saying, “By the way, the garden is all yours! Liam agreed that it needed someone else to care for it, so just don’t let any of the plants die.” And with one last wink, he’s out the door.

Louis couldn’t wipe the grin off his face if he tried now. Harry sure worked fast. Their dynamic just from last night had changed so much, even if they only talked about the stupidest of things.

_ ‘What’s your favorite film?” Harry asked, both of them looking up at the stars. _

_“I honestly haven’t seen that many, but any with Elvis. He’s honestly one of my favorite people in the world.”_

_“I like him as well. He’s very talented.”_

Though most of it was this silly, there were a couple moments that were very serious, only asked very subtly of course, Harry not wanting to scare Louis away.

_“Are you and Zayn... Okay?”_

_“Not really no.”_

And the fact that Harry had already gotten Liam’s permission for Louis to take over the garden made his heart swell with something he wasn’t quite familiar with. It was like when he had just started to date Zayn and everything the man seemed to do was to make Louis’ life better.

_“What do you do while Zayn and I are at work?”_

_“I really like the garden, I wish I had one like it.”_

-

Louis took his time getting ready that morning, not rushing into anything now that he actually had a task to do. He hummed along to the radio and went through his normal routine with a slight swing in his hips.

As he swayed softly to [So Long, My Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NdpbILudrg) while changing into his clothes for the day, he thought that maybe he could be happy here if he was careful.

There was something inside of him that was giddy and optimistic and felt brand new, like he was leaving something old behind him. He knew somewhere deep down that this was only temporary though because the thought of what Zayn would think of his new attitude made him freeze in his spot.

Surely if he saw him now, Louis would feel the sting of a fresh bruise and commands imprinted in his chest.

He placed his shirt over his head and thought for a minute how he got here ,so conflicted in his decisions and scared of even the way he got ready in the morning. He had wanted to go to school and get a proper education, move to the next town over, and maybe find a boy eventually. He didn’t ever expect to be in a relationship this serious and demanding before he was 25, especially to be in a relationship that he was scared to get out of.

But honestly, he just didn’t expect to be in this sort of relationship with Zayn.

Zayn who was the nicest guy on the planet when they started dating, a true gentlemen. Louis’ mum loved him, his little sisters adored him, he treated Louis like royalty.

Louis took another minute to think about what had changed, what he had done to make Zayn hate him so much, but he couldn’t think of anything that had changed in their relationship except for Zayn.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THIS:  
> There is a non-con scene in this chapter. The act is never specifically addressed, but it is very very heavily implied. Please be cautious if it can trigger you.
> 
> Also, someone left a comment (that I deleted) getting angry because Zayn is the bad guy and I just want to say that no, it is not because he left the band and I support him and I actually ship Zouis, it's my number two, but he was the fit in this fic because of the mysterious depth that his character has later in the story. And also, this is all based on a dream that I had and I can't really help that he is who my mind chose???
> 
> AND ALSO I am NOT trying to romanticize abusive relationships. In fact a lot of this is based off of a relationship that I myself was in, so I do in fact try to portray my own feelings into Louis' that involve the deep, emotional abuse that makes a person stay with an abuser so it doesn't just go 'oh Zayn is abusive, Harry is in love with Louis tho so Louis just leaves Zayn' because anyone in an abusive relationship knows that that isn't how it works.

Harry and Louis were making their way outside to the garden when Louis spoke up and muttered, “I think this is the first time since I’ve arrived that Zayn has been gone without either one of us accompanying him.” He didn’t want to give too much of his enthusiasm away, but he was so excited to show Harry all of the work he had been doing in the garden ever since he got permission. It’s been awhile since he’s actually been proud of something of his own.

“I think I rather like it though, don’t you? There’s a nice silence without his company,” Harry replied, moving his arm to cuddle Louis close to him, but freezing it in mid air when he realized that no, Louis was not his to touch. He was always going to be off limits as long as Zayn was still there, no matter how much Harry wanted him and through their conversations, Harry could tell that Louis had absolutely no plans to leave Zayn anytime soon. But above all, Louis didn’t want to be touched, in fact he flinched anytime Harry made a sudden move near him. He cursed himself at his own stupidity and put his arm back down.

“It’s always nice to have some peace,” was all Louis replied with before he pushed open the small white gate that opened into the garden. “Are you ready to see what I’ve done?” he asked, turning around and blocking Harry’s entrance with a huge smile on his face.

Harry furrowed his brows. “I’m sure it looks great, but I mean, you can’t have done much, they are still the same plants!”

Louis’ face fell and he moved out of the way so Harry could go in. “Well, I can’t drive and Zayn doesn’t ever let me spend any money, but I cleaned everything up a bit. Liam is surprisingly sloppy when it comes to garden work,” he explained as he followed behind him into the gorgeous space.

After a moment of silence between the two while they both looked around, Louis spoke up again. “Don’t you see, Harry? I trimmed the rose bushes and pulled out the little weeds that Liam must’ve missed, and I watered everything every day. I wish I had some way to bring a radio out here, but it’s okay because I like it either way!” All throughout his explanation, he ran around showing Harry every singular thing that he did.

Harry didn’t know why he was smiling so big or why he felt so _proud_ because _honestly_ it was just a garden, but he figured it might have something to do with the way Louis was smiling himself and absolutely beaming as he talked about it, like it was the most important thing he’d ever done.

“It looks great, Lou,” he said honestly, looking around and slowly noticing some of the things Louis had told him with the extra help.

“Yeah, it _does_ ,” Louis replied, as if he couldn’t even believe it.

 

-

 

Later that evening, Zayn was back at the house and they were all sitting around the table eating the delicious pot roast that Niall had made them, but none of them were really enjoying it because Zayn kept making all sorts of unnecessary comments at everyone around him. Whether it be when Louis reached for potatoes and Zayn told him he didn’t need them, or when Niall rounded the corner and Zayn chose that moment to exclaim how dry the meat was. Louis didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he knew that nothing good could come out of this.

At some point though, everything started to be aimed at Harry whether it be remarks about his business or his home, but Harry just sat there and ate his dinner brushing everything off. Louis had to wonder why though, Zayn was no threat to him in his own home and Harry was powerful and strong and had none of the fears Louis held, no threats to his sisters or to his mum’s job.

Harry sat and stewed in his own brain, worrying about what was to come for _Louis_ after dinner was over. He tried not to pay attention to the comments and just let them come because if he fought back that meant that Zayn might leave and take Louis with him which meant that Harry would never see the boy again.

Whenever the horrid dinner was finally over, the plates having been cleared and the three of them sitting in an uncomfortable silence with their stomachs full and their minds busy, it was no surprise that Zayn was the one to speak first.

He wiped his mouth and stood up with such a dominance that Louis shrank back. “I think I’m going to turn in now, I must’ve wore myself out when I was off with my colleagues.” He turned to Louis expectantly and the boy scrambled to stand up next to him.

“I think I’ll follow you,” he whispered softly, not even sure if anyone heard what he said.

Zayn wrapped his strong arm around Louis’ waist and winked at Harry as the started to walk out, insinuating something that Louis was dreading.

Louis looked up as he was walked out, Harry’s facial expression pleading at him to tell him what to do. He wanted to tell him that it’s okay, that he’s used to it, but all he could offer was a smile that looked like a grimace.

Harry mouthed a fleeting _‘be safe’_ to him and Louis’ smile grew to something more genuine.

And Zayn saw it all.

 

 

The grip on Louis waist got much tighter and he was pulled briskly from the room all the way until they reached their own quarters.

“Who the Hell is Harry to you,” Zayn growled, pushing Louis onto the ground and slamming the door shut behind him.  
  
Louis began to shake in fear of what was to come. “W-What are you talking about?” he asked, biting his lip to keep from crying out for help.

“ _Be safe,_ ” Zayn mocked in a high pitched voice, fluttering his eyelashes before putting the boot of his shoe onto Louis’ stomach and pressing down with a great amount of force, his face going absolutely sinister. “I said, _who the Hell is Harry to you?_ ”

Even if Louis didn’t truly know the answer to his question, he wasn’t stupid and he knew what it was that Zayn wanted to hear. He wanted Louis to grovel and beg for his forgiveness despite him only having friendly conversations with Harry as of now. “No one, Zayn, he is no one I promise,” he said pathetically, the sound of his voice coming out as a wheeze. This wasn’t even the start of what Zayn could do and he hated himself for already feeling so out of control, hot tears rushing to his eyes.

Zayn lifted his foot, almost like he was going to let Louis get up, but then he pulled his foot back and delivered a few quick blows to his stomach, effectively knocking the breath out of Louis completely. He leaned down after he was satisfied with that and yanked him up to his feet using only Louis’ hair as leverage. “Well I’m sure you know better than to lie to me, don’t you?”

It was a rhetorical question because the next moment the back of his hand smacked against Louis’ cheek. “Don’t you?” he repeated, shoving Louis’ body against the wall and bringing his entire fist down onto Louis’ face next until Louis was sure that he was going to pass out.

“Don’t you?” Zayn repeated one last time, bringing his face up to Louis’ battered one and whispering the words maliciously. He shoved the boy away from the wall this time and threw him down onto the bed.

Louis didn’t think that this would happen again, in fact it had only happened a few other times and the last time was _months_ ago, but he knew exactly what was coming and the sobs ripped out of his body violently as he started to beg, “no, no Zayn please.” He tensed his body up and closed his legs in a vain attempt to protect himself. “Please, please I don’t want it, not like this again,” he pleaded, desperate and frantic.

Zayn didn’t care and threw his legs open, forcing himself between them.

“I’ll scream! I’ll scream, Zayn, please don’t!” he exclaimed, voice getting louder as he thought for the first time that this could be over if only he yelled a little louder.

“You won’t scream because you like it, and if that isn’t reason enough, you _know_ why you won’t scream,” Zayn snarled, pinning Louis down, despite Louis’ best efforts. Zayn was just _bigger_ than him. “Let’s see Harry come and save you now.”  
  
Louis could barely register Zayn yanking off clothes, trying to get his mind to go somewhere far, far away from here so he wouldn’t have to feel the pain about to take over his body.

“Now tell me, _who is Harry to you now?_ ” Zayn asked, mouth open in a startling sneer as he forced Louis to look him in the eyes with a grip on his chin.

“No one,” Louis whispered, trying to look away, but unable to because of Zayn’s strength over him. “He was never no one and he won’t ever be anyone,” he said quickly, trying to appease him and maybe stop this before it went any further. “Now, please, Zayn. Not like this,” he begged, fresh tears running down his face.

“Do you really think that after all of this time, I would give a shit about what _you_ want?”  
  
Louis closed his eyes tight, trying to picture himself looking at the night sky with a soft song playing in the background. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, I don't even think words could describe how sorry I am for the lateness of this chapter. Enjoy some cheese though. Feel free to yell at me at my tumblr though, I update faster with pressure I swear: jurassiclouis

Louis _hurt_. It was really black and white, he _hurt._  
  
He hurt everywhere and he couldn’t do anything else about it but wait it out. It’s not like when Zayn and him had lived in a smaller house alone and he could go get medication or something. No, here, he knew there was _always_ someone around to watch him or catch him or whatever their reaction would be.  
  
He made a mental note to hide some pills after it was clear to go outside. He knew this was going to happen again, there really wasn’t a way to avoid it now.   
  
So he had been lying in bed all day, trying to find a comfortable position. But when he laid on his back, his entire backside stung, so he tried flipping over onto his stomach. That was even worse, small cuts and heavy bruises inking his skin, so he tried his sides. He had opened up some scratch marks again and almost panicked in trying to be sure that no blood was spilt onto the bed sheets. That was really the last thing he needed.  
  
Standing up was the worst though, so he had tried to avoid it, only going to the bathroom when the coast was clear in the hallway and he was okay to go alone.   
  
But mostly he was wriggling in bed, eyes closed and trying to listen to the hum of the radio to distract him because there was so much on his mind he needed to be distracted from.  
  
He had gotten away with lying in bed all day mostly because Zayn had told him too. He knew that he had went a little overboard on Louis’ visible body parts, not careful as he usually was, so he simply growled, ‘you’re sick,’ this morning before leaving.  Liam had knocked on the door earlier, asking to come in and pick up their clothes to be washed, but Louis quickly protested and asked him to please leave him alone.  
  
It had worked so far, he had skipped breakfast and now it was past lunch, almost to the time Zayn and Harry will be getting home.  
  
Oh God, Harry.   
  
Louis really hopes he knows that this was not his fault by any means, Zayn had been a time bomb regardless of what had happened. But most of all he wants Harry to know that he doesn’t regret anything.  
  
  
  
“Louis?” a timid voice asks from his door, making Louis tense up from his spot in the center of the bed. If it was Liam he’d feel bad for turning him away. If it was Harry, he.. Well, he really wouldn’t know how to without regretting it.  
  
“Sorry, I’m sick. Please leave me alone,” Louis called, his voice hoarse and rough, very much adding to the ‘sick’ act.  
  
“It’s Harry, Louis.”

Louis sucked in a breath, but didn’t reply.

“I brought you some food, Liam told me you haven’t eaten all day. Can I come in?” Harry’s voice asked and all Louis can think is _nonono._  
  
“That’s not a good idea, Harry,” Louis said, biting his tongue.

“Zayn’s not even here, you don’t have to worry. Please let me in, I know it’s bad. Let me look after you for a while. Let someone look after you, Lou,” Harry pleaded, voice raising an octave as he got more and more desperate for Louis to let him in.  
  
Louis hated this, his mind was so confused. All he really wanted to do was open the door to let Harry in so he could be taken care of for what seemed like the first time in forever. But the nagging in the back of his head kept telling him that he couldn’t. So he said the one thing that he knew hit below the belt, especially after everything they had shared with each other, _“That’s not a good idea, Mr. Styles.”_  
  
Harry pulled away from the door, hurt. How could Louis go back to that? _What had Zayn done to make Louis go back to that?_ The answer was on the tip of his tongue, but he pushed it away as he walked away from the door, leaving the tray of food in front of the door. “The food’s here if you want it then, Mr. Tomlinson,” he said, almost spiteful, biting his lip in immediate regret.  
  
But he walked away without apologizing, feeling even further back than square one.  
  
Louis staggered up to the door, stomach growling in a yearning for the food waiting for him. But he stopped in front of the door, putting his ear against it because he had to be sure that Harry wasn’t there.  
  
Harry could not see him like this, that was the one thing Louis wanted. Harry could not see him like this.  
  
After he was sure Harry was gone when he didn’t hear any breathing or footsteps, he cracked the door open and pulled in the tray, eagerly ripping right into whatever Niall had made.  
  


  
  
When Zayn got home, he muttered, “I’m sleeping in a different room because they insisted. Don’t want me to get _sick._ ” And he grabbed his clothes and was gone. Just like that.  
  
Louis was visibly shaking from Zayn even being in the same room as him, he really couldn’t handle a repeat of last night, so when he left it took him several minutes to get his breathing back in order.  
  
Harry had to have done this for him. Maybe he asked Liam to actually ask Zayn because God knows Zayn is not going to listen to Harry now. But it was Harry’s idea, Louis just knew it.

Another knock sounded on his door. “I’m not coming in, I just wanted to say sorry,” Harry mumbled.

Louis didn’t respond though, he didn’t really know how to because _what was he apologizing for?_

“I really do think someone should look after you though, Louis. And you know, if you’d let me. I’d do it. Gladly.”

Another second of silence.

“Goodnight,” Harry whispered before walking away. Louis didn’t know how this could get any worse really.  
  
So he just closed his eyes in peace, pulling the blanket up over his head, just to get a chance to breathe easy for a moment. He tried to push away everything and think of home and his mum’s cooking and his sister’s laughter and his best mate Stan and everything he just wanted to go back to.  
  
And maybe in another life bring Harry with him.

He opened his eyes with a strength that he didn’t know he had and rushed as fast as he could, limp and all, to the door. “Harry!” he called, voice weak from a lack of use.

There was a shuffle outside before a shadow peaked out from under the door. “Yes?” he asked so gently as if anything louder would break him.

Louis took a couple of deep breaths and clicked the lock of the door, creaking it open and peaking his head out. He _knew_ he look awful, but for whatever reason he didn’t care.

Harry turned his head from the floor and let out a little gasp. “Oh, Louis,” he said, reaching his hand up and brushing the back of it against his forehead, careful to avoid the gash above Louis’ eyebrow.

“I just - I just wanted to apologize too,” Louis muttered because that’s all he could even think to say.

“You should _never_ have to apologize to me, love,” Harry replied, hating the look of concern on Louis’ face, like he had anything to worry about except for the bruises that were covering his body.

Louis looked down and bit his lip softly, careful of the swollen bit in the left side. “It wouldn’t feel right to me if I let you believe like you didn’t mean _something_ to me.”

Harry swore his heart skipped a beat.

“I’m not sure _what_ that something is, but it’s there. You’re not ‘Mr. Styles’ to me anymore, I just don’t know what to do - there are so many things happening all at once that I’m just a little overwhelmed,” Louis admitted, feeling quite proud of himself for working up the courage to be honest.

“It’s okay to be a little lost sometimes, Louis,” Harry told him. His hand was still placed on Louis’ cheek and he soothed his thumb over his soft skin.

Louis shut his eyes and let out a breath. With Harry standing in front of him, speaking with him despite Louis being at his worst, he felt some of the fog clear. “I think that I’m finding my way.”

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: domestic violence. plz read the tags and keep safe.

“We’re going downstairs today. I told them you were better,” Zayn said, throwing Louis a couple of baggy clothes to wear after he stormed into the room. “Don’t you dare fucking limp,” he warned as Louis struggled to get out of bed. And just like that he had left again.

It had been about a week since the incident and Zayn hadn’t given up on the whole  _ sex _ thing when he had moved back into their shared bedroom, no matter how much Louis hurt.

Louis took his time as he got dressed and covered up his body. The facial bruises had to be covered up by the little make-up he had left, but luckily they were almost healed. He gave himself a last once-over in the mirror before heading downstairs into the dining room for breakfast.

He was greeted by Liam chirping, “Mr. Tomlinson! How nice to see you again!” in obvious faux happiness. 

That was all it took to prove to Louis that everyone knew what was happening behind closed doors. He had a funny feeling that this wouldn’t be an incident that could be played off, but he secretly wished that they would’ve forgotten his absence. Zayn and him were really good at hiding it before, but that was when they weren’t surrounded by a group of people every single day. It was only when they went to or hosted events that they had to turn on the charm, but now, they couldn’t go a second without it and Louis was tired of pretending.

He smiled at Liam before taking a familiar chair and doing his best not to grimace when he sat down in the wooden chair a bit too quickly. “Just the flu or something. Tiptop shape now,” Louis said, voice chipper and smooth. He could really pat himself on the back right now for maintaining his demeanor.

“I thought it was a stomach bug,” Harry challenged, barely looking up from the food in front of him. He was honestly just not in the mood to hear any bullshit today having had a rough week. He tried to pretend that he wasn’t so upset because he hadn’t seen Louis properly in seven days.

“Sometimes the flu can do that to you, you know,” Louis said, sending a nervous look towards Zayn, who luckily seemed to be distracted by God knows what.

He let out a little sigh of relief before sending Harry a cold look.  _ Really? _ Did he want him back in the room for another week?

Harry didn’t take it personally though, running his spoon through his oatmeal a couple of times. “Just sad you missed the Ed Sullivan show. Elvis performed and he released a new single, said it’s for his first film,” he drawled in the slow, careful way he spoke.

Louis’ eyes lit up and he bit his lip from smiling too hard. Harry really did know how to cheer him up. This time though Louis wasn’t quite sure if it was on purpose because Harry didn’t seem too keen on him right now. But Elvis releasing a new single? Well, that can would boost his mood no matter the situation. He couldn’t wait to go play the radio later and listen until he heard the new song.

“We might have to go see it then, yeah?” Zayn said, smirking at the two of them because he just knew that something had happened between him. He just  _ knew. _

“Well, I think I’ll go gather some papers before work. See you tonight Liam,” Harry said, abruptly standing up. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Louis.”

“Uh, thank you,” Louis replied, but Harry had already walked away.

 

-

 

“I’m sorry if anything was ruined, Louis,” Liam said, sighing and trying not to stare as Louis’ sleeves rolled up slightly.  _ Bruises. Lots of them. _

“It’s fine, I asked you if I could take care of the garden, it was really my responsibility. And everything can be fixed,” Louis said, biting his lip and heading towards the garden.

“Sorry!” Liam called again, but Louis’ just waved him off with reassurances that it was okay. He really didn’t want to make Liam feel guilty about anything.

He opened the white gate and didn’t really want to look. He had spent seven days in his bedroom and it hadn’t rained in the slightest, so none of the plants had been watered properly. He knew for sure that some of the plants were dead and it made his heart drop a little bit.   
The garden had honestly been one of the good things he had been able to control.

He sighed and went in all of the way, opening his eyes and letting his breath hitch. A couple of the plants were withering, a couple completely dead, but the rose bushes were the worst. Brown, shriveled up bells that used to be his pride and joy.

He felt everything start to hit him in the chest, painful bursts making him sink down to the ground. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath as he started to let out dry sobs. 

He couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t watch everything around him wither and die anymore. It seemed like everything he did ended badly in the end. Zayn, obviously, then Harry, and now he had ruined something so simple and beautiful. If he couldn’t keep up with his garden then what was the point anymore? It was all that he had to look forward to anymore.

He stayed outside that night, not going in for dinner and trying to ignore how much he wanted Harry to come out with him and help him water all of the plants and nurse them back to health. Instead he picked out the weeds and started from scratch, again.

 

-

 

_ “I don’t want this anymore! Let me go home! I want to leave!” _

_ “Like fuck you will!” _

That night Louis couldn’t sleep again. He had tried and failed after waking up in a cold sweat. He glanced over at the little clock and noticed it was three in the morning. He sighed and yet again found himself wincing while he got out of bed quietly.

_ “You still aren’t over him, are you? Are you fucking him?” Zayn growled, grabbing Louis by the hair and pulling him up to eyes level. “Are you?” _

_ “I promise, Zayn. I promise,” Louis begged, trying to claw at Zayn’s chest. _

He shivered and pulled his long sleeves over his wrists before making his way out of the room, closing the door behind him softly. The last thing he really needed was Zayn watching him sneak out of the room while he was still so suspicious about Louis’ activities. 

He walked slowly and carefully, not even trying to hide the limp that was very present right now. There was no one around to please.

Luckily Zayn had avoided his face though, so he wouldn’t have to spend an entire week in bed again. Zayn refused to get him anymore cover up, saying that Louis was already feminine enough and he wasn’t dating  _ the queen. _

He unlocked the front door and stepped out with a candle he had found and lit in the kitchen. Placing it onto the small table next to the chair, Louis sat down on the swinging chair with a few stray tears running down his cheeks from the pain.

He got as comfortable as he could and then stared blankly at the candle wax dripping down onto the table. There were no more thoughts running through his head at this point, all of his anguish had been released earlier that day. Instead, he kept his eyes glued on the candle, not even looking up to enjoy the beautiful night sky in front of him.

  
He was done with wishing on stars.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short little chapter, but I liked it well enough. Enjoy xx

Harry sighed and sat up in his bed restless, he glanced at the clock and realized that it was only 6 in the morning. He sighed and ran his hand through his messy hair, knowing that trying to fall asleep for another short hour would be absolutely pointless.

He got out of bed, not bothering to change out of his flannel pajama pants and old t-shirt before he was walking out of his bedroom. He heard Niall in the kitchen, already banging pots and pans, somehow not waking up everyone in a five mile basis of them, but other than that the house was absolutely still.

He made his way into his study, the only place he could truly get some privacy, and most of the time, some work done. He always went into the room when he couldn’t sleep because usually he couldn’t sleep because of some sort of problem in his life, and equations and measurements for work always made sense.

He switched the light on and sat on the desk in front of a large window, glancing out quickly and almost missing the slumped figure in the small chair that was sitting out there. Almost.

But his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Louis, who had his fringe swept messily along his forehead, puffy red eyes, and a look of pure devastation on his face.

Harry wanted nothing more than to go out there and comfort him and bring him into his arms, pack some bags, and then leave and go far, far away from whatever, or more whoever, was making Louis feel this way. Harry hadn’t even known him for too long and he knew that Louis was worth more than this. Louis was worth more than  _ him. _

He groaned in frustration, rubbing his hands over his eyes before all but slamming them down onto the table. Why did Louis have to be so hard to figure out? Because Harry felt like Louis wanted him, but then Louis went back to Zayn and Harry just wanted to scream at him, ‘ _ no, don’t you see, that’s wrong! He’s wrong.’  _ But he could never see himself raising his voice at Louis, all he could think about was kissing his wounds the minute he was in a close proximity to the boy.

Why couldn’t Louis be a math equation? Harry was good at those.   
  
  


Harry tore his eyes off his work that he had been trying to get done for the past thirty minutes to see Louis struggling to get up out of the chair. His face was distorted in obvious pain and was gripping his messy hair in frustration.

He stood up immediately and was going to go outside and help him, but stopped when Louis just sort of crumbled in on himself, collapsing into the chair again.

Harry shook his head and put down his pen, rushing outside of his office and through the front door, “Louis?” he demanded, looking at the his small body that had started to shake now.

“Harry?” Louis whispered, sniffling and seemingly trying to compose himself, his hands wiping his eyes. “Uh, good morning,” he mumbled, not looking up at Harry, who was now moving to stand in front of him.

“Are you alright?” Harry asked slowly, knowing the real answer, so when Louis’ replied,  _ ‘yes,’ _ he had to bite his tongue from replying, ‘ _ bullshit.’ _

“Actually, I was just about to go in and get some early breakfast. I’m going to try and fix up the garden this morning and I’m sure Niall has something in there,” Louis explained, gripping the sides of the chair so hard his knuckles were turning white. He tried to get some momentum to make this seem as easy as possible with Harry looking at him with such  _ knowing  _ eyes.

He felt sick.

He got up and ignored the shooting pains throughout his body as he started to pass Harry to walk into the house.

“Louis, do you need any help?” Harry spoke up, biting his lip nervously. And once again, Harry had managed to get Louis’ heart to stutter in both good and bad ways because he was so  _ concerned  _ for Louis, but Louis just couldn’t have it. He couldn’t keep this at up with Harry for much longer.

“I’m fine,” was all he replied with though because there was a selfish piece of him that never, ever, wanted Harry to stop caring.

-

“I brought you lunch,” someone said, startling Louis from where he sat on the ground picking out weeds.

“Oh, hey, Harry,” Louis said, trying to smile at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” he asked as an afterthought. “And where’s Zayn?”

“Zayn went in alone today, told me to work on some of the math parts while he gets to building with a crew. No objections really,” he shrugged, placing the carefully wrapped sandwich and fruit on the bench next to Louis before taking a seat on the dirt with him. Probably ruining his expensive slacks, but really Harry could care less. He just wanted Louis to talk to him again. The night that it first happened was one of his best.

“Oh,” Louis said, trailing off before he took off his work gloves, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Did you already eat then?” he asked, picking up the sandwich and unwrapping it slowly, looking at Harry expectantly.

“Yeah,” Harry replied, feeling the air grow awkward as neither of them were really sure of what to say.

“So,” they both said at the same time, trying to start conversation.

Louis bit his lip to stop from giggling and Harry let out a sort of cackle, because  _ really?  _ Cliche was their middle name. Soon they were both in hysterics, not really sure if it was the good or bad kind of laughing, but Harry put his arm on Louis for support and suddenly, they both silenced.

“Harry, it won’t ever work,” Louis said quietly.

“Why not though? We could make it work, honestly,” Harry replied, looking deep into Louis’ blue eyes that he’d already jumped into a long time ago, now he was trying to surface. 

  
Louis had never felt more ashamed of himself when he finally answered. “He won’t let me leave.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Ready?” Zayn asked him quickly, shoving on his second shoe before getting up himself. Luckily Louis was, because Zayn was grabbing him by the arm like a child in trouble without an answer and taking him outside of their bedroom. “Harry’s already left, taking his own car just in case.”

“Just in case of what?” Louis asked him as they made their way outside the front door and off the porch, before biting his tongue. You don’t ask questions.

Zayn’s grip on his arm tightened, his own way of reminding Louis that. But surprisingly, he still answered it. “I think a few of my mates from work are going to be in town, and I might go out with them. So then you guys can do whatever you want.” His eyes shot to Louis’ face then, watching him carefully and giving him this _look._ It wasn’t an uncommon one though. It was a _you're mine_ kind of look. An _I dare you_ of sorts.   
  
But Louis wasn’t going to be dumb enough to go against him this time, his entire body was still slowly paying for the last time he tried.   
  
They got in the car silently, Zayn’s expression a smirk and Louis’ etched in fear.     


 

  
“He’s gone quicker than I expected,” Louis mumbled as him and Harry walked around the town shops. They were sided by side, elbows and shoulders brushing, sometimes even hands. Both of them had an insane amount of willpower, they both knew it. Because all they wanted to do was clasp hands and hold on tight, never letting go.   
  
Zayn had left with mates about ten minutes ago, right after they passed a town pub. Someone had run up to him and told him about a football game that was going on that he just _had_ to see.   
  
Zayn didn’t even think about inviting Louis, even if it was his favorite sport.   
  
And now Harry was trying to do something he seemed to be doing a lot of lately, but not to his complaints, cheering Louis up.   
  
He confuses Harry so much. When Zayn’s around, he upset. When Zayn’s gone, he’s upset. Honestly, was anything in Louis’ life not about Zayn? Anything at all?   
  
He didn’t want to answer his own question.   
  
“What do you want to shop for? Honestly, that’s about all we can do here,” Harry said, looking around at all the little clothing and antique and toy stores before turning his head back to Louis, who was once again staring at the ground, despite Zayn’s absence. “Are you alright? Do you want to just go home?”   
  
“No!” Louis said, maybe a little too loudly and quickly. “It’s just,” he looked down, blushing almost as if he was ashamed, “Zayn doesn’t let me buy new things, doesn’t give me money.”   
  
Harry didn’t even think about it before he was spurting out, “Well, of course I could buy you some things, Lou. You don’t even have to ask.”   
  
“I didn’t,” Louis said quietly, the air becoming thick as Harry ran out of things to say. “But thank you,” Louis finally breathed, struggling to find the right words. “Zayn... He just, he’ll notice. He might not seem like he notices things such as clothes. But he’s full of crap, he loves them more than me,” Louis said, finally letting out a small giggle.   
  
“Somehow I doubt that,” Harry said, rolling his eyes and guiding Louis down the street. Without touching him.   
  
  
  
They ended up finding a small soda shop, practically empty except for the two of them and an elder man on the other side of the room. They weren’t there for dinner, just a shake to ease their hunger and give them a little treat before the drive home.   
  
A teenager came over to them, chewing gum obnoxiously the entire way. “Hi, my name’s Sadie, can I start you off with drinks?” she asked, twirling her hair around one finger, not even looking at the two men.   
  
“Can I get a chocolate shake?” Louis asked nervously, worrying on his lip. Not towards her, but to Harry. Harry knew he didn’t have money and Louis didn’t want to get anything that Harry wasn’t up for paying.   
  
Harry in turn, rolled his eyes. “Yeah, so a large chocolate shake and a large vanilla,” he said to the girl before she skipped off behind the counter. Harry turned back to Louis when she was gone, looking into his eyes incredulously. “Louis, I offered to buy you a new wardrobe tonight, you think a shake is going to be too much?”   
  
“Just wanted to make sure,” he mumbled, blushing, because _yeah_ , he was being a bit stupid.   
  
Harry just shook his head, the two of them falling into an easy silence, something that had been happening all day today. “I’ll be right back, okay?” Harry said suddenly, getting up and walking away.   
  
Louis smiled after him before looking down at the checked table and trying to count how many more red tiles there were. He was interrupted by someone clearing their throat. He looked up to see their waitress staring down at him, placing the shakes on top of the table before walking away.   
  
Louis sort of rolled his eyes after her. _Honestly,_ where were these girls manners? He placed his straw into his chocolate shake before doing the same to Harry’s vanilla, decided to wait until Harry got back to actually start drinking it though.   
  
His ears perked up when he heard the familiar sound of _Too Much_ playing through the restaurant’s speakers. He smiled to himself, swaying back and forth a little to the beat.   
  
Harry slid back in the booth seat across from Louis, taking his shake and taking a couple big gulps and reminding Louis very much of a child who was getting a treat. “I remembered about him being your favorite,” he said softly, nodding up.   
  
It took Louis a second to realize that he was talking about the Elvis song playing. He must’ve gone to jukebox.

  
He tried to hide his blush by digging into his own shake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy this short little chapter.. I'll probably update tonight again because it's a snow day here :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I actually update twice in one day? Yes. 
> 
> Listen to Hospice by The Antlers if you want to die while reading this.

Louis didn’t go downstairs that morning when he first woke up, he had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach after the day before, so he was trying to be extra good for Zayn.

He laid in bed completely still and was waiting until the body next to him stirred for the morning. It wasn’t as if they slept wrapped up in each other, not like when they first met and would spend hours wrapped up in eachother’s bodies. Now, it was just stiff bodies next to each other and Zayn’s death clutch from one hand somewhere on his body, usually blending in with the other bruises.

Louis didn’t really feel it anymore anyway.

Zayn groaned and grumbled to himself beside Louis, waking up and tightening his grip on Louis for a second before letting go all together. He sat up and stretched out his back and arms before glancing at Louis who was wide-eyed and awake, avoiding eye contact with him as he lay on his side, staring at the hem of Zayn’s pillow.

“Morning, Lou,” Zayn grunted harshly, throwing off the covers and dragging his feet so he could go to the bathroom, or at least that’s where Louis thought he was going. No other form of contact came between the two before Zayn disappeared. 

Louis’ mind clouded with different emotions as he merely hummed in response until Zayn was out of the room. One, he had called him Lou, maybe not the kindest of voices, but it was enough. And two, that was the first time in years.  
  
  


Louis walked downstairs for breakfast about 15 minutes later, still sleepy and wearing his pajamas. He noticed the empty dining room table, only Harry sitting and reading a paper and eating a muffin. “Did Zayn leave by himself again?” Louis asked, biting his lip nervously. This wasn’t the first time, and Louis was sensing a pattern in Zayn’s absence. 

“Yeah,” Harry breathed, putting his thing down on the table in front of him and standing up to walk towards Louis. “And good morning to you too,” he joked, winking slightly. He went to place his hands on Louis’ head, presumably to brush the morning hair out of his face. 

“O-oh yeah, sorry. Good morning, Harry,” Louis all but whispered nervously before backing away slightly and going to sit down at the table without any warmth towards Harry.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows before sitting down next to Louis as opposed to his previous seat across the large table. He left his half eaten muffin for another pastry on the platter laid on his plate. 

Louis himself had his usual bowl of oatmeal sitting in front of him, but he was just picking at it, his stomach churning uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure what to do at the point, Zayn seemed to slowly be getting back into a normal routine, not a perfect one, but surely a favorable one. Why couldn’t Harry just drop, well, whatever it was that was between them. Ignore Louis and Zayn, ignore their  _ relationship _ because it wasn’t going anywhere as far as Louis was concerned. 

He knows the day before, full of smiles and conversation, was a setback in Louis’ attempt to stop Harry’s questions, but he just got so lost in the moment. He was a little ashamed of himself for not having better self control.

“You alright?” Harry asked, mouth comically full, but actual sympathy on his face.

“Yeah,” Louis replied softly, letting the silence fall between them again as he tried to swallow down some food.

It kept going on for a couple minutes before both of them were sick of it.

“I-”

“Wh-” 

Harry rolled his eyes a bit and gestured for Louis to go on.

“Why can’t you just leave it, Harry. Just please give up, I can’t stand to keep pushing you away,” Louis said softly, barely audible to either of them.

“Louis,” Harry murmured, swallowing all of his food. “Louis, I don’t think I can.” He reached his hand up to caress Louis’ cheek softly, running over a cut with the lightest of touches, his eyes darkening as he thought of who had put it there.

Louis stood up abruptly, sending a glass toppling over. “Harry, no,” he said, trying to be stern, before he turned to walk away.

“Just, listen, I don’t know why!” Harry all but screamed, grabbing Louis by the wrist and pulling him closer. “Just, God, Louis-” And with that, he was crashing his lips onto the smaller boys. After a couple a seconds, he tried to pull away, but Louis was gripping his shirt and he was kissing him back now.

It ended up being Louis he pulled away first, his lips bruised and plump. “You should go to work, yeah?” he breathed, still trying to catch his breath.

“Yeah,” Harry replied, dazed, but in the most pleasant way.

  
  


Louis was sitting down on the tile under the hot stream of the shower as he thought of this morning. If he was disappointed with himself before, he was furious now. He had been in the bathroom for probably an hour, words rushing through his mind, not able to put together a complete thought. He would usually feel guilty about using up this much hot water, but this was all Harry’s fault anyway and he was sure Harry could manage a couple dollars more on a bill.

But he had kissed back. 

He had  _ cheated _ on Zayn.

  
Talking with Harry was different, it was never something that was necessarily  _ real.  _ But a kiss? That was very much real, too much. How was Louis going to go on from here? What next?

He was just so damn confused.

“Fuck,” he shouted out loud before clapping a hand over his mouth. He had never cursed like that before. Who was he becoming? Who was he unraveling to be? He pulled at his soaking hair, frustrated with everything.

Who decided to give him the short end of the stick? Surely this wasn’t God’s choice. It couldn’t be.

He blindly kicked at the walls, taking one of his fists and punching the ground, probably scraping his knuckles. He didn’t really care though, not right now.

Who the Hell was Harry, coming into his life and just fucking everything up! Sure, it wasn’t great before him, but it wasn’t any better now!

But Louis had  _ liked  _ it. He wanted it to happen  _ again. _

But he also felt something, some irritating little voice in his head that made him feel like he needed to tell Zayn. He needed to tell Zayn everything and be clean of it, no matter the consequences.

How could he even think about doing that to himself, the amount of abuse he would get after it? And how could he do that to Harry, what would happen to Harry?

-

Louis made his way through the large house nervously, trudging his feet and running a finger along to light blue wallpaper design in the hallways. After much consideration in his own mind, he came to a conclusion as to what he wanted to do about what had happened yesterday.

He had skipped breakfast, knowing that no one except Niall would actually notice because Liam had taken the day off and Zayn and Harry left early for work today. 

But now Harry was back, Louis had watched his car pull up from his bedroom window, and he was nervous beyond belief as he headed to Harry’s office. He knew Harry would be in there, he was always in there.

How he was going to tell Harry what he wanted to tell him, he didn’t know. Harry would be angry no doubt, but would he be hurt too? Louis had wanted to kiss Harry. There was no way around that knowledge, but he couldn’t do that to Zayn, could he? He couldn’t put Harry in a place of danger. Because if they continued in private, even for a little while, Louis new that the consequences for everybody would be much worse. He knew the things that Zayn could do and no doubt could they put Harry in a large amount of danger. 

And the question of ever actually leaving Zayn was something that Louis had imagined, but never really thought through until today. Louis couldn’t remember a life without Zayn, he couldn’t even  _ think _ of a life without Zayn even. Because when he pictures himself at home, happy with his sisters, he pictures himself there with Zayn. The Zayn who he fell in love with. And when he pictures himself with Harry, Zayn is always there. And Louis can’t manage to make that part of him go away. He had come to terms with the fact that he still loved Zayn. And he knew, that somewhere, or at least he hoped, that Zayn loved him too. 

So he found himself in front of the large mahogany door and brought up a fist to knock at it lightly.

Harry opened it, smiling largely and he lit up even further when he saw Louis on the other side.

Louis ruined it though. He opened his mouth and said, “I want to tell Zayn.”

A sharp pull on his arm sent Louis into the study and Harry slammed the door behind him. “What the Hell, Louis?” Harry yelled, going from smiling to screaming so fast Louis almost got whiplash. “Why would you want to do that? Are you wishing death upon yourself? I’m not an idiot, you know, I know what he does to you!” he seethed, face turning red as he worked himself up.

In other situations Harry would’ve been appalled at himself, yelling at Louis like it was out of style, but why in the world would Louis tell him this? What was going through his mind?

Louis bit his bottom lip, body going slack as he sort of collapsed into himself. “I just think he needs to know- I don’t know, Harry.” He sighed, not looking into Harry’s eyes like the first couple times they met. He didn’t want to see Harry so angry at him. “Y-You just confuse me. You confuse me so much, Harry.”

“I don’t see what’s so confusing about feeling something that’s  _ right _ for a change,” Harry replied, pulling a hand through his curls.

“Zayn’s- he’s just different, Harry. Nothing about my feelings for him are  _ wrong, _ ” Louis defended, finding the color of the carpets in the room a lot more interesting now.

“He’s beating the crap out of you, Lou, for things that are never your fault. He’s raped you and don’t you  _ dare _ try and defend him for that,” Harry spat at him. “God dammit Louis, look at me! You deserve to be fucking happy with the way your life lays out, why can’t you see that?” Harry roared, veins pumping with a scary amount of adrenaline. 

Louis’ eyes widened and he brought his head up, biting back a whimper when he saw the familiar stance of fists bundled, veins popping, face red. And suddenly he couldn’t even see the difference between Zayn and Harry. They looked the same.

He couldn’t stand there any longer, he just couldn’t, so he turned around and ran out. He ignored the pain, he ignored his mind screaming at him for being a coward, and he definitely ignored Harry yelling after him, _ “I’m not going to hit you, Louis!” _  
  
  


Louis didn’t know where he was going, but as he walked down the lonely country road that led to the city, he was trying to hold back tears. Harry had looked  _ so angry,  _ Harry had wanted to  _ hit him _ . He knew it. It was all his fault too. He should’ve just kept his mouth shut, like Zayn had always told him. When Louis opens his mouth, the only thing that comes out of it is a problem.

He looked up at the sunset in the sky and blinked, not letting himself cry. He couldn’t. He was already weak enough. He looked around at the street and when he saw no one coming, he walked into the middle of it, kicking at the dirt and rocks that paved the road. 

He wondered if Zayn was coming home tonight, it wouldn’t surprise him if he didn’t. He knew that Zayn was doing what he did best at a new town or a new environment, he was becoming  _ acquainted _ with the citizens. He could smell the perfume on Zayn’s clothes when he brought them to the washing room.

That irked him like none other. Zayn, the guy who  _ cheated _ and  _ beat him _ , was still someone he felt he had to be faithful towards. What a bloody coward he was.

  
It was that moment that he decided he wouldn’t mind too terribly if there was a car on the road with him. And that if it hit him, he’d be okay with it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read the updated tags.

Louis is shivering now, curled on the side of the road. The light drizzle wasn’t bad when it was coming, but as the sun was setting and a light breeze was blowing, the dampness on his clothes had started to make him cold, but it was as if he didn’t have the physical or emotional strength to get up. He knew eventually this could be bad. Zayn could drive by and see him, assuming the worst, that Louis had tried to leave. And even if he begged and pleaded, Zayn wouldn’t listen to him, he knew that. Maybe he would kill him this time.

But Louis couldn’t bring himself to care all that much, not anymore. He felt like what little stability that kept him sane was slowly leaving and with it, his will to live. He honestly didn’t know if any situation in the world would save him. If even in a perfect life, Harry would even have the chance to save him from Zayn, but mostly himself. He was already gone, there really wasn’t a way to reach out to him, not that Louis believed anyway.

He bit his chapped bottom lip and shook so hard that he started to bleed, dripping down his chin slowly. He wiped it on his sleeve and stared off at the lush trees around him. If he could be anything else in the world, he thinks he would want to be a tree. Because it seems like the only thing that seems to uproot them are hurricanes. 

And there were no hurricanes in Cheshire. 

A low rumbling startled Louis, making him jump and look down the road it was coming from and before he actually knew what was happening, there was a car stopping in front of him and someone was picking him up off the dirt with great care and a look of pure sympathy. 

Louis didn’t even blink.

  
  
  


“You know that’s dangerous. You could get sick, seriously sick,” Liam said softly as he drove Louis back to the house.

Louis just stared out of the window, his knuckles going pale as they gripped onto the coat Liam had brought with him and had wrapped around his shoulders.

“When we get back to the house, I want you to go immediately to the bathroom and take a hot bath. You are not getting sick on me,” he said. He didn’t demand him, or at least it didn’t sound like it, but Louis knew that he didn’t have a choice. “Put your clothes in the guest bedroom carefully so Zayn doesn’t see the dirt and blood from your lip. I don’t think it should be a problem though, he rang the house and told me not to expect him, but just in case.”

It almost shocked Louis, and he almost protested, trying to come up with words that would make it sound like Zayn wouldn’t care about his clothes but he knew it was a lost cause. He had gotten rather obvious.

“I hate turning the other cheek, Louis,” Liam whispered as they pulled into the driveway. “It makes me sick.”

Louis got out of the car without an answer or a second glance. He really couldn’t handle all of this right now.

  
  
  


Louis glanced over at the clock, flopping over in bed. It was just after midnight and Zayn still hasn’t gotten home and Louis still hadn’t fallen asleep. He didn’t think either of those things were going to happen anytime soon.

A soft knock on his door interrupted any of his thoughts and he slowly got out of bed, taking his time before he quietly asked, “Who is it?” He did

“Harry,” he answered back. “I understand that you don’t want to open the door for me, but just, let me just say that I made a huge mistake. I wasn’t mad at you, I was mad at the situation and Zayn, but not you. And I would never even think about  _ hitting  _ you, Louis. Know that please,” he pleaded through the thin door.

Louis’ breath got caught in his throat and he didn’t know how to respond, if he  _ could  _ respond.

Harry coughed when he didn’t get a response and much quieter, he whispered, “Here.” and Louis heard something slip under the door and felt it poke at his toes. 

He looked down and his eyes widened at the sight and before he could help himself, he was flinging the door open and collapsing into Harry’s arms, chanting, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Harry had gotten him Elvis’s new record.

“I don’t want you to think that I’m buying your forgiveness or anything,” Harry started to mumble when Louis finally pulled away. “I actually bought it yesterday on my way from work, but if you weren’t talking to me, then I wanted you to have some company tonight.”

Louis searched Harry’s eyes, brilliant and beaming, and in that moment he made a choice.

“Let’s dance.”

They made quick work of running to Harry’s room because that was the closest record player in the large property and Louis had to listen to the record  _ right now _ , giggling like they were mad. Harry slid the pristine album out of it’s cover and placed it on the record board before putting the needle down.

When he was done, he stood up straight, unsure of exactly what he was to do now.

Louis beckoned him onto the beautiful balcony, a warmth flooding through him even though hours before he was chilled to the bone. The rain had stopped by now and the last bit of sun was peaking over the thick foliage.

The record started slowly as Louis slid his arms around Harry’s neck and gave him an encouraging expression for Harry to place his hands on his waist.

 

_ Love me tender _

_ Love me sweet _

_ Never let me go _

_ You have made my life complete _

_ And I love you so _

 

He was breathless and nervous at the same time, for Louis had never felt anything so peaceful in a long time.

Harry smiled back at him without teeth, something sweet and subdued to fit the mood. He knew Louis was going to be complicated from the moment they had met and if he was dragged through a hurricane to get to this calm feeling that washed over him - well then, he was ready for the fight.

 

_ Love me tender _

_ Love me long _

_ Take me to your heart _

_ For it's there that I belong _

_ And we’ll never part _

 

“This song is actually perfect,” Louis whispered, his head moving to Harry’s broad chest as they swayed back and forth to the soft music playing.

“I think so too,” Harry replied just as quiet as Louis, as if speaking any louder would break what that had right now, his hand that was on Louis’ waist rubbing slow circles with his thumb.

Louis sighed contently, not caring about how tired he had been before, just that he was here with Harry and they were okay again and Louis wasn’t scared of him.

“Thank you for forgiving me,” Harry said quietly, closing his eyes and resting his head on top of Louis’. 

“It’s your charm, you know just how to tug at my heart. Elvis every time,” Louis joked. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore, despite how unhealthy he knew that it would be to just leave his problems alone. 

“Seriously, Louis. I was out of line.”

“So was I, so we’re even.”

 

_ Love me tender _

_ Love me true _

_ All my dreams fulfilled _

_ For my darling, I love you _

_ And I always will _


	13. Chapter 13

Cautiously, Louis went back to Harry and how they were acting before. It wasn’t hard now, Zayn always seemed to be going out and Liam always started to hum and dramatically turn to look away if he happened to be around them.

Louis could kiss the man. But something tells him Zayn  _ and _ Harry would have a problem with it.

So on Sunday night, right after Zayn had phoned Louis and told him gruffly not to wait up, Harry and Louis giggled and stumbled into the kitchen, making Niall roll his eyes at the pair.

“Like a bunch of five year olds, always laughing and whispering the two of you,” he joked, cleaning up  and drying the last dish in the sink before wiping his hands on a dish towel. “Do you need me for something though, sir?”

“No thank you, Niall. Louis and I just thought to make some cookies or something, to pass the time until Ed Sullivan comes on,” Harry explained, cracking open one of the overused cookbooks on the counter.

“Elvis is going to be on again!” Louis piped in, smiling widely and running a hand through his hair.

Niall smiled fondly at him, “Do you want me to bring a radio or player down here? Wouldn’t be much of a bother.”

“Oh would you? That’d be great, Niall, thanks!” Louis said jumping up onto the counter and sitting on it delicately. 

Harry finally seemed to find a recipe that he liked and put the book on Louis’ lap. “Read me the ingredients, will you, babe?” he asked, letting the nickname casually slip. 

Louis checked to make sure Niall’s retreating figure hadn’t heard, but by the shaking of his shoulders in laughter, he assumed he had, which made the ends of his ears and his cheeks light up red. “Chocolate chip are my favorite, you know,” Louis said, reading the title and looking at the picture of the cookies, his mouth starting to water.

“Yeah, I know,” Harry said, getting out a bowl and the flour pot. “Now, what’s first on the list?”

  
-  
  


“I am never trusting you with the timer ever again,” Harry mumbled in faux sadness, looking down at the burnt cookies, smoke pooling out of the oven. 

Louis pouted, stepping into the kitchen doorway. “I swear you said thirty minutes!” he insisted.

“Thirty minutes until the show started!” Harry defended, taking the pan out and putting in on the stove top, cringing a little as it clambered noisily.    


Louis crossed his arms, kind of curling into himself. “You aren’t really that  _ angry  _ are you?” he asked nervously, biting his lip and looking at the ground.

Harry looked over at him curiously before he realized that really he shouldn’t ever raise his voice at Louis because the boy always took it harshly. “No, I’m not, Louis,” Harry said, shuffling towards Louis and cautiously wrapping his arms around him, giving him plenty of time to pull away. “Should’ve known you were a rubbish cook anyways,” he joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

“That’s why I didn’t really help, I could’ve done way worse than just burning them,” Louis laughed. “One time at home, I put salt instead of sugar and Phoebe actually got  _ ill _ from the taste. But Lottie thought it was on purpose, another prank I pulled on them. But I swear, it was completely by accident! And another time, Dai-” he cut himself off and pushed Harry away as gently as he could. His eyes dropped and he felt  _ sick  _ as he thought of everything he was missing at home. He hadn’t even  _ called _ in ages.

“Hey, Louis, come one, it’s okay. I know you miss them,” Harry said, pulling Louis into him again, not letting him free this time. 

“I want to go home,” Louis said pitifully, his hands pawing at Harry’s chest. “I want my mum.”

“One day, I promise. One day we’ll get into the car and we won’t stop until we’re in Doncaster. I promise you that, Louis.” Harry’s almost positive it was the one promise he could keep.

 

Louis lay in bed later that night, eyes drifting shut before he cracked one of them open as their door creaked, someone stumbling in clumsily. 

“Zayn?” he asked softly, sitting up slightly. 

There was a burp, followed by a small giggle that choked off into a sob. “H-Hey, Louis,” Zayn slurred, his voice slow and breaking and  _ shit _ , had Zayn been crying? Zayn doesn’t  _ cry.  _ The only time Louis’ ever heard his voice like that was before when Zayn’s granddad died and they got splendidly drunk together. 

Louis didn’t say anything as Zayn plopped onto the bed, scrambling the get the covers around his still fully clothed body, he just lay back down.

At first they both lay beside each other, flat on their backs and silent. But before Louis could figure out what was happening, Zayn launched himself at Louis’ body, clutching at his bedclothes desperately.

And Louis was  _ dreaming _ . He was definitely dreaming because Zayn was almost  _ cuddling  _ him and there was no doubt in his mind now that Zayn was crying because he was crying into his shoulder.

“Fuck, Louis,” Zayn breathed, shaking as he got a tighter grip on Louis. Not his skin this time, it was almost as if he was  _ avoiding _ his skin.

“Zayn, it’s okay,” Louis whispered, before he knew what he was really saying. 

“I’m sorry, Louis. I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t deserve you, I never deserved you,” Zayn cried, sobs ripping through his throat. 

And now Louis  _ knew  _ he was dreaming. Because Zayn has never apologized to anyone for  _ anything _ .

Louis’ throat caught in his chest and he couldn’t stop the tears that were running down his cheeks. 

Zayn wiped them away, mumbling more apologies. 

 

-

 

When Louis woke up Zayn was still in bed, in his clothes from the night before, and he still had his arms around Louis.

The grip on his shirt was loose and he was too frozen to move. It was past breakfast now, much too late to still be in bed, but he couldn’t possibly move.

When Zayn woke up, he shoved away from Louis and ran for the bathroom. To puke or to just get away, he didn’t know, but he slowly got up himself this time. 

He looked in the mirror quickly, fixing his hair as well as he could and straightening his bedclothes before he made the walk downstairs. He felt new, even if he  _ knew _ he was getting his hopes up. Zayn didn’t change his outside exterior, he just cracked a little on the inside. Liquid courage speaks for itself.

He didn’t know what to do anymore, his mind was so torn into so many directions as he made his way down the grand hallway to the living area of the house. His stomach was growling, but he didn’t think he could stomach anything else. And of course, Harry would be down there as well, not going to the office in town on Mondays, only Tuesday and Thursday now, and the occasional day he was needed.

So he ducked out the backdoor of the house, not bothering passing the kitchen or the parlor to tell anyone or grab a snack or anything. He walked slowly to the forest of a backyard Harry had and slowly disappeared into the trees.

  
  
  


He found himself on the ground, leaning against an old tree, shaking and trying not to cry as he felt like he was going to explode at any moment. His head was so full of thoughts and words and nothing made sense anymore. Louis wanted to scream because life always found a way to work against him. It felt like he had  _ just  _ patched things up with Harry and then yet again, Zayn got in the way.

It wasn’t a stupid love triangle story, Louis wasn’t daft. Harry would be the obvious choice and it wasn’t like Zayn was trying so desperately to make him stay, or maybe he was, in his own way. But it was  _ different _ , okay? Zayn was familiar and has just always been there while Harry was new and always held something that surprised Louis, but it always felt so warm and homelike, Louis wanted nothing more than to climb into his arms and never leave.

But whether Harry truly cared about him was always buzzing in the back of his brain. Because there he was, this perfect, beautiful, kind man who promised to never hurt Louis, to be there for him, to  _ save _ him in a sense. How could he possibly want  _ Louis? _ Louis had baggage written all over his skin, imprinted deep with red gashes and yellowing bruises. How could Harry possibly want to take that on? It’s been told to him time and time again that no one would want him.

_ ‘You think you can leave and find someone better? No way in Hell anyone would ever deal with you, a pathetic excuse for a man.’ _

The words stopped falling to deaf ears a long time ago.

And Zayn cared about him, Louis was  _ sure.  _ They didn’t just magically get together and fall into the routine of constant beatings. No, Louis was coaxed and blinded, Zayn used to be  _ romantic.  _ He used to take him out on  _ dates,  _ hold him in scary movies, take him home and lay him down so  _ gently, _ he used to whisper ‘ _ I love you’  _ like if he didn’t, the leaves wouldn’t change in the fall.

Louis was slowly finding himself not wanting anyone anymore.   
  
  


 

It was about two hours later when Louis walked through the backdoor to Harry’s house again, still in his nightclothes and still too upset to think properly. 

“Are you alright, sir?” Liam asked him as he walked by him on the way to the bathroom to take a shower. 

Louis looked up, startled, and slowly nodded his head, almost like he was in a sort of trance.

“Are you hungry? You missed both breakfast and lunch,” Liam said cautiously, not sure of what to say to him.

“I’m, uh, I’m just going to go take a shower,” Louis managed, nodding his head afterwards, thankful the right words had come out.

“I’ll bring you something afterwards then, you can eat in your bedroom if you please.”

Louis didn’t respond, knowing Liam wouldn’t let him argue.

“Now, I’ll go tell Harry you’ve arrived back. Zayn left some time ago to go out again.”

“No!” Louis all but yelled, stopping Liam as he turned to walk away from Louis.

Liam turned around and quirked an eyebrow up, he hadn’t heard any fighting between Harry and Louis, the last he heard they were on rather great terms.

“I mean, uh, nevermind,” Louis stuttered out, before turning and practically running to the bathroom.

-

Louis emerged from the shower feeling a little bit better. He was in there for quite a long time and the hot water felt nice on his skin and cleared his brain a little bit.

He knew he was being stupid, drawing more attention to himself by intentionally avoiding people, but he couldn’t face anything right now, that he was sure of. 

But it looked like he was going to have to suck it up because when he walked into his room, there was Harry. Sitting on his bed next to a tray of food, a frustrated look on his face. “Louis!” he called once he noticed him.

Louis froze, damp hair dripping onto his face. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, not sure what to say.

Harry was across the room in seconds, collecting Louis into his arms and not missing the wince when he did. “Did he hurt you last night?” he demanded, his eyes darkening.

Louis shook his head ‘no’.  _ The exact opposite actually,  _ he thought. “I think you should leave, Harry,” he mumbled.

Harry’s face crumbled, as he pulled away. “Louis?” he asked, his voice laced with hurt.

Louis looked away though and didn’t move until he heard the door click shut behind the retreating man. He went to his bed and set the tray of food on the ground, pulling the covers around him and willing sleep to come. He really didn’t want to be awake right now.

-

  
And when Zayn came into his room late that night again, smelling of another girl’s perfume, crying and stuttering apologies, Louis held him and told him it was okay. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please look at the tags, lovelies. this one gets kind of explicit. xx.

It was a Tuesday night when everything changed. Zayn and Harry went to work early in the morning, Zayn with a wicked hangover that no amount of pills could fix and Harry with a nasty glare towards Zayn's direction.

Louis stayed upstairs, wrapped up in blankets and torn over whether to be happy or weary at the feeling of sleeping through the night with Zayn.

They didn't have sex, Zayn didn't want sex. They just slept. That was absolutely it.

It was the fifth night and Louis felt more rested than he had in ages. But when he woke up he was hit by the thought of Harry and what could he possibly be feeling.

Louis felt guilty and that wasn't normal. Harry and Louis were never established, were never quite a thing per say.

But it sure felt like it when Louis opened his eyes and almost breathed out, ' _ Harry,'  _ to the person next to him.

So he was avoiding Harry like the plague, only at dinner, without Zayn of course, did he see him. But he didn't speak to him. He ignored the pleading looks and the questions and everything Harry threw at him.

He didn't know what else to do, how else to handle the situation. He knew this wasn't the best way in the world, but it seemed to be working when Harry kept trying less and less to get his attention.

Louis was pleased. Maybe it meant he was forgetting about him. Maybe it meant that he wouldn't have to be dragged into the mess of his life.

It was better for everyone really if you thought about it.

Zayn could keep cheating, Louis could keep lying, and Harry could keep living.

-

**Four Years Ago**

_ Louis scoffed as Zayn pulled him by the hand down the street of their home. "You can let go of me. Despite your incredibly rude behavior back there, I'm not going to run away," he snapped, pulling and successfully getting his hand out of Zayn's, only to have him grab onto his wrist. _

_ "Shut up, Louis," he seethed, pulling him harder as he sped up his pace to their flat. _

_ "Zayn, ouch," Louis said as the grip got so hard he knew it was bruising. "Zayn, you're hurting me!" He said louder, making Zayn stop in his tracks and push him against the fence. _

_ "Look, I don't know what you were pulling back there, flaunting off your body and practically begging that man to fuck you, but you're mine, got it? No one else's," Zayn said, his voice scarily calm and a fire under his eyes that Louis had never seen. _

_ "I am no one's property, Za-" Louis began to protest, but Zayn cut him off with a harsh slap to the face. _

_ Zayn had never hit him before. Never even laid a hand on him that Louis didn’t want. _

_ "Zayn?" Louis whispered, using a free hand to clutch his cheek as it started to throb. _

_ "You are mine, Louis. Don't forget that."  _

-

It was five o'clock when Harry and Zayn came home. Both sober, both perfectly fine and ready for dinner.

Louis stood rooted in the ground in the dining room, where he had been chatting with Liam. Zayn hasn't been home sober in weeks, only in the morning when he staggered out of bed without another word. Was he supposed to act normal? Go back to how they had been?

"Louis, why don't you sit down. It's time for dinner," Zayn said, his voice calm and collected as he sat down in his normal spot.

Louis nearly tripped over his own feet as he scrambled to do as he was told, afraid that from the lack of order, he'd do something wrong.

Zayn shot him a warning glance and Louis nodded at him, putting his head down carefully and fiddling with his thumbs.

Routine was a good thing, right?

  
  


Louis waited on the bed patiently, sitting upright and rigid whilst Zayn changed into his bedclothes by the dresser.

When Zayn turned around, he raised his eyebrow. "Anything I can do for you, Louis?"

Louis shouldn't have said anything. He should've shut his mouth and shook his head. But he couldn't help it, he fumbled over his words, but they came out. "Did you- did you ever mean it?" he asked.

Zayn furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't know what you're talking about, Louis. Explain yourself more."

Louis drew in a breath that was anything but helpful as it came out shallow and wrong. "When you, you know, apologized before. Did you mean it?"

Zayn did look like he thought it over, but only for a second before he sneered and stalked over to Louis. "Why would I ever apologize to the likes of you? You deserve everything you get, you worthless piece of shit."

Louis could already feel the sting of the hit before it came. But Zayn was too rough this time, a punch and he grabbed his arm, throwing him on the floor.

"Did you think I loved you, Louis?" he asked, leaning over his body.

Louis didn't know how to answer.  _ Yes, yes he did, _ he wanted to scream.

Zayn placed his hands around Louis' neck and cut off his air flow. "Tell me, Louis," he demanded, getting up to his face. "Do you think I love you?"

Louis could see black at the edges of his vision, could feel consciousness fading, "Y-yes," he rasped, knowing Zayn wouldn't stop until he answered.

Immediately Zayn pulled off, leaving Louis to turn over and gasp for air. He knew Zayn could kill him, but he never thought that he would until that moment.

He pushed himself up, scrambling away from Zayn. He needed to get out of there, he needed to get to somewhere else - anywhere else.

"Where do you think you're going?" Zayn demanded, pulling him back with a grip on his upper arm, but Louis fought and cried out- loudly.

He wanted this to be over.

"Who could ever love you?" Zayn demanded, finally pulling him back and throwing him on the ground again, pummeling his body with kicks now, ignoring where he was kicking this time.

Louis was yelling and screaming to try and get someone to hear him. He couldn't think clearly over the pain, Zayn didn't get this rough, only when he fought. And tonight, he was fighting.

"No one will love you," Zayn screamed and kept a steady course of kicks to Louis' smaller body.

Sobs were ripping through his body and he turned over onto his stomach, curling his legs under him, trying to get into a position that was less painful.

"Fucking-" Zayn spat, grabbing his hair and trying to pull him back up, but to no avail.

"Stop! Don't touch me, stop!" Louis screamed. He needed someone to hear, he needed Harry and he wasn’t scared anymore. He didn’t care about what Zayn would do, he wanted Harry. "Harry!" he screamed. "Harry,  _ please!  _ Help!"

Zayn didn't like that. He got on the ground and flipped Louis around with the sheer fact that he was stronger. He straddled him so he couldn't get away and put his hands around his neck. "He's fucking you, isn't he? I knew you were a fucking whore."

Louis knew this was it when he was losing consciousness again, he was going to die tonight. Zayn was going to go too far.

But someone bolted through their door and without hesitation tackled Zayn to the ground. "Fucking bastard!" they yelled, throwing punches onto Zayn, who had been caught by surprise and was kind of useless at fighting back.

Harry ran in behind Niall and kneeled beside Louis, who was sobbing now, but in relief.

He was alive.  _ He was alive. _

"I've got you," Harry whispered. And the words were like salvation running through Louis' ears. 

  
“You do?” Louis rasped.

Harry cradled Louis’ body into his, curling around him and trying to comfort him in the heat of the moment still. Louis' hands went to grip onto Harry’s shirt like it was the only thing keeping him alive, keeping him sane and grounded, and Harry wondered briefly if it was.

Niall was still over Zayn and had him pinned, surprisingly strong and muscular for someone who spent half their time baking sweets, and Zayn was struggling underneath him, spitting curses and insults to everyone in the room like nobody’s business.

Liam burst through the door next, a bat in his hand and yelling, “The police are on their way!” He looked more upset than anyone had ever seen him, face red in absolute fury, but turning into something softer when he looked at Harry leaning over Louis, who looked wrecked.

“Absolute wanker! Fucking bitch!” Zayn screamed, thrashing more under Niall’s hold at the mention of police. “The slut deserved it!” 

Liam stalked over, and pointed the bat menacingly, growling, “If you think I will hesitate even a moment before I smash your head in, you’re dead wrong, Malik.”

Zayn’s eyes widened and he just sort of nodded, stopping his struggles and going limp.

Niall hesitated, but climbed off him, cheeks flushed and hair mussed, to stand beside Liam with a steady eye on Zayn.

Zayn sat up and still had a sort of anger floating over his head, but he didn’t look like he was going to try anything, considering he was greatly outnumbered, in both size and anger. 

 

There were a few moments that passed, only Louis’ soft sobs making any noise in the tense room. Zayn glanced over at Harry and Louis, scowling deeply at the sight. “Whore,” he muttered under his breath.

Harry’s head snapped up and he glared at Zayn like he wanted to set him on fire, which he probably did. It really did take all his might to not leave Louis for a second to punch those words right out of Zayn’s mouth.

Louis looked up at Harry to try and get his attention, not quite sobbing anymore, but still shaking and crying silently. He wanted to get out of here, clean his face and get into warm clothes before the police got here and out of the bloodied clothes he was wearing now.

Harry looked down again when Louis gripped on him tighter and saw Louis flicking his eyes to the door. He nodded and murmured quietly, “Let’s get you out of here, can you stand?” He crouched and tried to help Louis to his feet, succeeding but with Louis wobbling too much to be able to stay up on his own.

Louis grabbed onto Harry as the taller man put an arm around him to help.

“Wait, where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Zayn demanded, standing up and ducking out of the way fast enough from Liam and Niall.

Liam looked like he really was going to hit him with the bat, but Harry waved him off for a second.

“Away from you,” Harry answered instead, standing his ground.

Zayn got closer to Harry, so Harry gently pushed Louis behind him as him and Zayn got just inches away from him. “Like sloppy seconds then?” Zayn spat. “Guess the whore really will take it from anyone.”

Harry looked murderous at Zayn’s words and pulled his fist back before bringing it forward onto Zayn’s jaw, already beat up from Niall before, with a nice, loud crack.

Louis let out a startled gasp and stumbled forwards, leaning on Harry for support. He was so sick of the fighting and the violence. He just wanted this to be over already. It was about time now, wasn’t it? He was going to tell them to stop, tell them to just quit already, but Zayn was already pulling his fist back, so he surged forward with a strength that was pure adrenaline, effectively blocking the punch from hitting Harry by letting it hit his own jaw.

Liam and Niall did surge forward this time, bringing Zayn back away from Louis and Harry again and really, when were the police getting here?

Harry immediately reacted, making Louis face him with unfocused eyes. “Bloody idiot,” he said softly, cradling Louis’ bruised and beaten face between his hands. There were two gashes on his forehead along with many tiny cuts littering his entire face, both eyes were swollen as well as his lip, which was split down the middle and still bleeding, and both sides of his jaw were puffing out slightly. 

Harry knew he was crying now too as he looked at the damage Zayn had done, under his roof for God’s sake! He didn’t even want to think about what the rest of Louis’ body looked like, but he gulped and nodded, to himself mostly, just to shake him a bit. “Come on, then,” he said softly, leading Louis out of the room with careful hands around him to support his shaky feet.

They heard the police sirens outside the house as Harry cleaned Louis’ cuts.

-

There had been a medic who came with the police, who looked over Louis and told them that he could stay here. She later told Harry that she didn’t want to drag out the process any longer, in fear of Louis’ mental state. She prescribed him pain medication, which Liam promptly went out to get, for his bruises and told him he was lucky his ribs didn’t break with the trauma.

The police had been very kind, local men that Harry was familiar with already. They asked minimal questions before they left with Zayn in custody. They were coming back tomorrow to go into more detail, but for now, they told Louis and Harry to get some rest.

Harry brought into the bathroom very carefully after the police left. He wanted to carry him, but Louis couldn’t curl like he needed to, so they just took their time. “What do you want to do, Louis? You could take a shower or sleep or whatever you want to do.”

“Sleep,” Louis answered softly.

Harry nodded. “I’ll just go get you some clean bedclothes,” he said, turning to walk out the door, but a gentle hand stopped him.

“In your bed tonight?”


	15. Chapter 15

Harry laid awake when morning came, trying to reason that watching Louis sleep wasn't creepy. But he had woken up, not sure if last night was a dream or not, and staring down at the boy curled up on his chest made everything seem pretty real to him. 

He ran his hands carefully through Louis' hair, biting his lip as he assessed the damage Louis had taken last night. As awful as it sounded, he had become used to maybe one or two bruises or cuts he could see, but never - he had never seen someone this hurt. The pain Louis was feeling, he couldn't stomach it. 

He knew that it would take quite a long time for them to all fade, but he couldn't wait until they were. Louis would be free of Zayn, absolutely free, at least physically. 

A lot of him was selfishly wondering where this left the two of them. Would Louis let them be together now or would he run away from this place? Even if he wanted the first option, he knew he would never blame Louis for wanting to do the later. This place probably held a lot of terrible memories for him, but maybe if Louis stuck around, Harry could help change them into better memories.

Louis made a noise in his throat and buried his face further into the soft material of Harry’s shirt unconsciously. 

Harry laughed a little and relished in how  _ easy  _ this felt with Louis, he felt himself getting into the routine of waking up next to Louis already and this was the first night.

Louis stirred at Harry’s laughter and blinked his eyes as he woke up slowly. He drew back a little at the initial contact his eyes met with the sun before he adjusted. “Harry?” he asked quietly, biting his lip as he started to remember.

“Right here,” Harry rasped in his morning voice.

Louis smiled softly up at him, the kind of smile reserved for quiet mornings with no alarms going off to wake them up. "Good morning," he whispered. 

"Morning, love," Harry replied, giving Louis a reassuring grip where his arm is thrown around Louis' waist, but careful not to squeeze too hard as to hurt him. "You alright?" he asked genuinely, not just trying to make conversation. 

"Yeah, I think I am, Harry," Louis replied, and for once, it was the truth. 

-

**Six Months Later**

They were both on the edges of their seats, literally, with stiff posture and as close to blank expressions as they could manage. They were waiting for the verdict to come back from the jury, who were filing in in what seemed like slow motion. Their hands were joined together and Louis was squeezing Harry’s so hard there was no blood flow.

The judge said a couple words that sounded like white noise to Louis’ ears until he heard the words he’d been waiting to hear, “How does the jury find the defendant?”

A woman in the jury stood up, face showing no sign of which way the case went. “We the jury find the defendant, Zayn Malik, guilty for the charge of domestic violence.”

Louis just sort of  _ broke  _ at the words _.  _ He started to sob in his seat, body collapsing in on itself, relief spreading through his body. Domestic violence as a felony and he was being put away for ten years.

Harry gathered Louis in his arms as Zayn was being walked out and then helped him out of the room when the judge said court was dismissed. He kept whispering, “It’s alright, it’s all over,” as they made their way through city hall. 

When they got outside, a handful of people with the press were waiting, but they pushed right through, ignoring their requests for comments. 

Louis was still shaking when he got into Harry’s car and when they were both safely pulling away from the curb, he let out an unsteady breath he felt like he’d been holding in all morning. “It’s over,” he said quietly, messing with his fingers. He couldn’t believe it, any of it. Zayn was gone for ten entire years and Louis wouldn’t see him after that ever again. He was free.

And it was terrifying. He hadn’t been by himself in years. Ever since Zayn, he had never not been under Zayn’s watchful eye. He had never been alone.

Harry reached a free hand over and grabbed one of Louis’ to stop him from fidgeting and Louis remembered that he wasn’t alone. “We’re going home.”  
  
-

 

**One Month Later**

“No! Zayn, stop!  _ Harry, please!”  _ Louis screamed, thrashing in the covers wildly, with a cold sweat that had broken out on his forehead. 

Harry jumped awake next to him and pulled his arm out from beneath Louis’ body. “Louis,” he said softly, trying to wake him up as gently as possible.

“ _ Please don’t,”  _ Louis whimpered, softer this time but no less painful. 

“Louis, come on,” Harry said louder, this time shaking Louis a little bit. He hated seeing Louis like this, he always felt so helpless.

Louis gasped for air then, body shaking violently and eyes wild as he searched around the room, trying to adjust to actual reality. “Z-Zayn?” he whispered, his chin bunching up as he tried to fight off tears.

“No, love, no, it’s just me,” Harry reassured, pulling Louis into his body carefully, trying not to scare him anymore. He traced tiny shapes into Louis’ skin and whispered, “It was just a nightmare. I’m right here.”

Louis seemed to get even more upset as Harry tried harder to calm him down and finally he managed to say, “I’m sorry.”

Harry froze and pulled away a little bit. “Why are you sorry? Louis, you have nothing to be sorry for,” he said, his eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion. Louis hadn’t done anything.

Louis shook his head and nuzzled into Harry’s chest.

“Come on, love. Please tell me,” Harry pleaded, kissing the top of his head. 

Louis pulled away from his chest and looked up at Harry with his sad blue eyes. “I’m so- I’m such a burden and all you do anymore is comfort me and just- I’m sorry,” he said, biting his lip much harder than necessary. 

Harry was dumbfounded. Did he make Louis feel this way? “No! No, Louis, I promise this doesn’t bother me! I love you, Louis, you know that, and I would do anything to make you feel better, I don’t care if it takes time. It could take a million years and I would still hold you close and tell you it’s going to be okay, because one day, it will be okay. And I’ll still be here.”  
  
Louis looked like he wanted to say something else, but he shut his mouth again and cuddled into Harry even more. “I love you, too,” he said, because that was all it came down to in the end.


	16. Chapter 16

Louis felt his hair in the wind and for a brief moment felt a flipped sense of deja-vu. He didn’t feel like he had been here, but he felt like he had been the  _ opposite _ of here. Because the first time he was driving towards the house with Zayn and now he was driving away with Harry.

Funny how that worked out.

But he was buzzing with nervous energy, almost vibrating in nerves of what he was about to do. Something he had needed to do for a while.

Harry snaked a hand off the steering wheel and grasped Louis’, one of his favorite things to do in the entire world. He liked letting Louis know he was there for him and this was the safest way. He knew how Louis felt about this, but they both knew it needed to be over with sooner or later.

“What if she hates me, Harry?” Louis asked softly, biting his lip so hard he felt like it was going to burst. “What if - what if I’ve been gone for too long?”

Harry didn’t take his eyes off the road (he was a cautious driver, sue him), but he did answer Louis to try and reassure him. “Louis, your mother loves you more than anything and from everything you’ve told me about her, she’ll be more than happy to have you back with her and for her to know you’re safe. I’m sure that’s all she cares about.”

Louis nodded, temporarily eased before another thought struck him. “Harry, what if the girls don’t remember me? What if  _ the girls _ hate me, Harry? I don’t think - I couldn’t handle that,” he admitted softly.

“ _ Louis _ , these girls are your everything and I feel like I know them just from the things you tell me. I could probably identify who is who without an introduction when we get there. I’m sure you mean just as much to them as they do to you. So calm down, babe. You should be happy, not nervous!”

“Why can’t I be both? Why is that so wrong?” he teased, but he realized he was only half joking.   
  
  


Pulling in front of the house sort of tipped him over the edge and tears were welling up in his eyes. When they had been driving through the town that Louis used to know like the back of his hands, but found he couldn’t even remember what street the gas station was on now. But this house, this house was fresh in his memory like he could’ve been there yesterday. The blue paint was still slightly chipped - no matter how many times his mum said she was going to get someone to redo it - and there were flowers in bloom in the beds below the porch and there was even the same lawn chair in the grass under the only tree in the front yard where his mum would drink coffee every morning and Louis would lounge against the bark of the tree with some tea before the girls all got up in the morning and they would talk about anything and everything, but mostly his mum would complain about wanting a porch instead of the grass.

But they both knew they wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“Lou?” Harry asked softly, his voice comforting and supporting as he parked the car and the sat in silence.

“Once,” Louis said, voice cracking and making him let out a tiny little embarrassed laugh. “Once I ran away from home. I was seventeen and my mum didn’t want me hanging out with the crowd I was because she thought it would get me into drugs. I yelled and said she didn’t trust me to do the right thing. She told me once I was out from under her roof that then I could make the final decisions on my friends. I ran out without a coat on, I was so mad,” he turned his head and tried to ignore the look on Harry’s face in favor of looking at the small park down a bit. 

“That’s where I met Zayn. He gave me his coat and took me to a diner, bought me coffee-”

“Louis,” Harry interrupted quietly, shocked at the story. Louis and him hadn’t talked at all about Zayn, or at least him in this sort of way. He didn’t think that Louis wanted to talk about it.

“No, Harry,” Louis insisted, despite the fact that he was getting more emotional. “I have to tell about him, it’ll help, I’m just awful at it, okay? Just so - so you know that he wasn’t always bad. I don’t - gosh, Harry, why am I telling you this? Like you care? Oh God, I’m so dumb sometimes.” Louis sniffled and wiped his eyes and his nose, trying to get a hold of himself.

“Louis, no,” Harry said, his stomach clenching in a way it always did when Louis spoke with so much self-depicting in the words. “If it helps at all, I’ll listen, okay?”

Louis nodded and leaned over the console to give Harry a quick kiss before straightening up, switching his mood so fast it left Harry reeling. “Well, are we just going to sit in the car all day?”

Harry fumbled with the handle of his car door as he got his own nerves of meeting Louis’ mum and sisters. What if they hated him? He shook his head though because if they did, that’d be okay, he was there for Louis.

They laced hands as they walked up to the door, giving each other a reassuring squeeze at the same time, making them both giggle a little breathlessly. 

Louis held up a little fist, biting his lip before just going for it and knocking on the door. 

There were shrieks heard from inside before and they heard someone yell,  _ “Phoebe! You’re not supposed to answer the door! Wait for mummy!” _

All movement halted a little bit before the door clicked open and a woman - no doubt Louis’ mum just by the eyes - stood before them. She was smiling when she opened it, but it faltered, and her mouth opened and closed a little bit. 

Louis didn’t know what to say for a moment acting just as surprised as her as if she was the one to come to him, but when Harry squeezed his hand, he stuttered out, “hi, mum.”

His mother’s chin bunched up slightly and she threw herself at him, crying softly. “My sweet boy,” she whispered, “you’ve come home.” She held him like she used to when he was upset. When he was seven and fell off his bike, when he was eleven and a boy called Roger pushed him down at the park, when he was sixteen and told her that he didn’t quite like girls.

It really did feel like nothing had changed.

 

(And when Harry took Louis to the local Doncaster drive-in a week later to see Love Me Tender, it still felt like nothing had changed because Harry felt like he had always been there, but Louis supposes he was just waiting.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's all, folks.


End file.
